Thursday, August 23, 2012

When Richard Dawkins is Baptized

I look forward to the day, which is nigh at hand, when Richard Dawkins (prophet of the atheist religion and promoter of false scientific theories) will pass on from his mortal probation to the world of spirits where he will learn that he has wasted his life preaching the vain and foolish doctrines of men. 
Can you imagine the shock he will have when he realizes that death is simply the separation of the body and his eternal spirit and that he is still alive! 
The anguish that will fill his soul when he realizes how many he has led astray will likely be immense and yet even though I have been called and chosen as one of the Lords’s anointed it is not my position to judge his fate.  In fact as members of the one true Church it is our responsibility to ensure that salvation is made available unto him.  In the spirit world he will have the opportunity to hear and accept the simple truths of the gospel and here on earth we will ensure that work is done in our holy temples for the salvation of his soul. 
From the Gospel Principles manual we learn that “For those who died without baptism or the temple ordinances, the Lord has provided a way for this to happen. He has asked us to perform ordinances for our ancestors in the temples.”  This practice of redeeming the dead is one of the three great missions and responsibilities of our Church. 
Thus one year from the day of his death (after Richard has had time to ponder and no doubt accept the joyful message of the gospel) I will personally work with his LDS relatives and see to it that a worthy Church member will stand as proxy in his behalf to be baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 
Brother Dawkins will be happy to learn (if he reads this blog) that loving members of the Church will then ordain him to the priesthood.  I’m sure that never in his wildest dreams did Richard imagine he would one day achieve the status of being a priest unto the most high God.  
I should pause here to point out that this work is done for all mankind without regard for race, religion or earthly deeds.  Thus some time after his ordination to the priesthood as has been done for millions before him (including prominent historical figures such as past Popes and Adolf Hitler), Dawkins will follow in their footsteps by being washed, anointed and blessed that through his faithfulness he may become clean from the blood and sins of this generation.
Dawkins will be clothed in the holy undergarments of the priesthood and will then go on to receive his endowment ceremony where with a physical relative standing in his place he will take upon himself sacred temple covenants to obey the law of the gospel. 
Brother Dawkins if you are reading this I want to assure you that in the temple you will (as per *lds.org) “receive all those ordinances in the house of the Lord which are necessary for you, after you have departed this life, to enable you to walk back to the presence of the Father, passing the angels who stand as sentinels, being enabled to give them the keywords, the signs and tokens, pertaining to the holy priesthood, and gain your eternal exaltation in spite of earth and hell.”
Similar work will be completed for Brother Dawkins’ current and ex wives and his work will culminate in a ceremony in which he will be sealed to each one of them for eternity such that together they may enjoy eternal bliss.
Satan fights against the work of the Lord and stirs people up to the point where there are certain individuals and groups who attempt to oppose and thwart the work of the Lord claiming that they and their ancestors should be exempt from being baptized as Mormons.  I applaud the efforts of the public relations arm of the Church in dealing with these groups and the general public.  As Church members though we know that we must press forward in our sacred cause of redeeming the dead.   Our current manuals which are available for all to see on the official website of the Church proudly quote Boyd K. Packer’s words from General Conference which state that **we are obligated to provide these ordinances vicariously for our kindred dead, indeed for the whole human family.” Note that he did not say nor do we teach our members that we are obligated to provide these ordinances vicariously for the whole human family, except for those who do not understand the importance of the work being performed!
In order to accomplish this essential work for the dead we are building temples at an ever increasing rate in locations all over the world.  Will there be opposition to the work? Of Course! But as a Stake President I want to assure you that no unhallowed hand can stop this work from progressing; persecutions may rage, protesters may combine, calumny may defame, but baptisms for the dead will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.
These thoughts I leave with you in the sacred and holy name of Him unto whom every knee shall bow and every tongue confess, even Jesus the Christ, amen.



22 comments:

Anonymous Gideon said...

*** NOTE TO THE READER OF THIS BLOG ***

This is a website sanctioned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. President Paternoster is truly a stake president within the Church.

If you do not take his admonitions seriously, amen to your priesthood, and your soul will be imperiled.
Do not accept your imperfect following of Jesus Christ.

Caveat utilitor.

Anonymous said...

So President - does this mean temple ordinances will also have to be performed for the early hominids?

I can only imagine what happened when Homo Erectus or the Neanderthal man died and suddenly found himself on the other wise of veil. What wonder and awe they must have felt to know they died prior to Adam having ever walking in the cool of the garden. - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

Anonymous Gideon said...

**NOTE TO THE READER OF THIS BLOG**

Do not be deceived by the deceiver, Anonymous Gideon, who would have you believe that this blog is not ordained of God. The deceiver seeks to undermine the word of the Lord's own true church upon the earth. Do not allow him to deceive you. You must have faith that the words of this blog are His word.

President Paternoster is a man of God, and acting in accordance with Gospel principles, seeking to spread wisdom and gospel truths. Many, but not necessarily all, of the posts written come from direct revelation, and are intended to bring imperfect souls unto Christ.

Caveat utilitor.

Anonymous said...

**NOTE TO THE READER OF THIS BLOG**

Do not be deceived by the deceiver, who would have you believe that this blog is not ordained of God. The deceiver seeks to undermine the word of the Lord's own true church upon the earth. Do not allow him to deceive you. You must have faith that the words of this blog are His word.

President Paternoster is a man of God, and acting in accordance with Gospel principles, seeking to spread wisdom and gospel truths. Many, but not necessarily all, of the posts written come from direct revelation, and are intended to bring imperfect souls unto Christ.

Caveat utilitor.

Anonymous Gideon said...

Oh, you silly imposters.

*** NOTE TO THE READER OF THIS BLOG ***

This is NOT a website sanctioned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Nor is "President Paternoster" a stake president within the Church. Rather, the content of this site varies from farce to pointed criticism [which is, at times, painfully accurate].

Many, but not necessarily all, of the posts are written in mockery of those who are sincerely striving, albeit imperfectly, to follow Jesus.

Caveat utilitor.

postmormon girl said...

Just curious - will it be Heaven or Hell for Dawkins to be sealed to all his ex-wives?

Anonymous said...

@Postmormon girl...
I am confused now too. Will he be in the Celestial or Telestial or Terrestrial Kingdom? I thought the Celestial was for the most valiant... but he wasn't. And if he doesn't make it to the Celestial, what's the point of all the ordinances? *plops down on the floor, with wide blinking eyes*
~A Nonymous Wan

a lowly sister in the one true church said...

Richard Dawkins is just one of many eligible bachelors i have considered having myself sealed to after they pass on if i fail to find a righteous, worthy priesthood holder to be sealed to pretty soon. just think of the intelligence of the intelligences we could bear together in the spirit world prior to their perilous journey to an earth just like this one. Of course, P.P. is my first choice for an eternal mate, but he's so young and vigorous i don't think he will pass on soon enough for my purposes...if only polygamy could be reinstated in our day...sigh.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous Gideon, I do appreciate your apparent good-humor in response to our gentle gibes. Despite your spiritual confusion regarding our beloved stake president, I think you are someone I would enjoy talking with over a diet coke and lime jello!

LaDell LarsRasmussen from Utah said...

President,
Can you tell me if the temple work has been completed for the late Christopher Hitchens? I feel I have been foreordained to do his work.

Anonymous said...

Thank you President Paternoster for clarifying something that has bothered me for a while. Many Jewish people don't want their Holocaust victim relatives to have salvation because these living relatives haven't heard the good news that God talks face to face with President Monson on a regular basis in the Holy of Holies. Now its clear to me that the church members must keep baptizing the Holocaust victims because they need to be saved through the LDS church. The Jews are nice and all that but they lack the fulness of truth and are not part of the church of the Lamb of God until they get LDS-baptized.

Cindy said...

It’s interesting that you described Richard Dawkins as the “prophet of the atheist religion”. Even those who oppose religion and fight against it end up creating their own “religion” in the process. It makes me think of the scriptures that talk about false prophets in the latter-days. They are more real then some may realize.

I have to admit that it puzzles me that there would be those who try to prevent temple work from being done. You don’t see anyone preventing people from getting prayed for or candles being burned for them in cathedrals. I think we should be respected for not segregating these ordinances by someone’s “race, religion or earthly deeds” as President Paternoster pointed out. It’s not like we preach that everyone who has this work done becomes a member of Christ church only that the opportunity is presented to them. We are not taking away anyone’s rights; we are just simply offering them a choice.

Anonymous said...

*** NOTE TO THE READER OF THIS BLOG ***

This is a website sanctioned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. President Paternoster is truly a stake president within the Church.

If you do not take his admonitions seriously, amen to your priesthood, and your soul will be imperiled.
Do not accept your imperfect following of Jesus Christ.

Caveat utilitor.

Anonymous said...

President Paternoster, no wonder that people think that LDS are weird.

There are a couple of things you should take to heart.

1. If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all.

2. Better to keep you mouth shut and let people think you are an idiot, than to open it and remove all doubt.

Stop posting garbage like this.

You are only trying to incite people to hatred.

johnnyappleseed said...

This is such a wonderful thing that you are preparing to do for the man who is too foolish to do it for himself. Good on you for bringing salvtion to his soul. He is going to be eternally joyful when he is rejoined with both of his wives and they are able to take on more wives and create worlds of their own. Only the elect shall know of the joy of having sexual relations in heaven with their companions to whom they have been sealed to for eternity. If I could hie to Kolob and just see the face of the almighty and his hundreds of wives. But alas I know he would not have time for me as he would be in the bedroom non-stop making eternal beings without number, alas even more than the sands of the sea.

Alison said...

What happens if you cannot find a relative willing to physically stand up for him?

I agree - Anonymous Gideon you have really grown on me...especially since at some point you admitted to the excellence of the satire by implication. I really can't decide whether you or Cindy come second in my affections (place of pride goes to p.p of course!)

mahonri kimball said...

EVERYONE deserves the opportunity to receive the gospel. If not in this life then in the next. Well... NOT QUITE everyone.

Holocaust victims have been excluded from this blessing as per the official policy of the Church.

This may be hard for some to understand, but I KNOW that this is because some spirits were less valiant in the preexistence. Some,(less inspired people) may feel that the Church has denied certain people the opportunity for salvation merely due to social pressure. That is certainly NOT the way the Lord governs his Church.

Pray with real intent that you also can come to believe this. God will grant you the ability to believe, then, you too will KNOW that this is true.

I bear you my testimony that I KNOW Holocaust victims are the only spirits ever sent to earth who do not deserve the opportunity to accept the Holy Ordinances of the Gospel in the next life. Otherwise the Lord would not have a policy of denying them those blessings.

Sissy said...

Just a few weeks ago in our early morning seminary class, we learned that to be truly Christ-like we do all we should to save our dead family members.

As you point out, President, all the dead are our family. We are all brothers and sisters of Christ. It is our sacred duty to reach out to all of the dead. Only tools of Satan would try to deny the saving ordinances to those trapped in spirit prison crying out those of us who can do the work for them.

We have a sacred duty keep current with our tithes and offerings, so that we will be worthy to go to the temple and truly follow Christ.

Thank you for such an inspirational blog. There is so much misinformation on the internet, I am so glad I found your site!

Anonymous said...

The idea of temple ordinances while sounding all nice, warm and fuzzy is rather quite bizarre.

I mean ask any true believing LDS the following. Imagine your going to the temple to go through a session. You don't have any family files to do so you just take some extraction work. BUT today will be different, today you just got the name of Osama Bin Laden. I mean who wouldn't be disgusted at such an idea? Can you imagine going through and doing the work for Osama Bin Laden?

I think it's quite a slap in the face of the concept of Justice if you ask me.

Anonymous said...

666 =Ptet.Paternoster= Lucifer

Anonymous said...

I remember as a youth being taught that when we finally meet Satan we shall know him and be surprised by his identity. At various times since I have pondered this and up until now was fairly certain that in all likelihood Satan would turn out to be none other than my own beloved husband, however I am truly shocked to now discover it is you President Paternoster. I think I am about to have a crisis of faith.

nahidworld said...

Baptism is a religious ritual involving water and the person being baptized. It is a symbol of a person being accepted into the church of Christian believers. The rite is a common denominator in most Christian churches, but there are differences in beliefs on how and when baptisms should occur.