Friday, February 8, 2013

President Paternoster Doesn't Win 2012’s Best Mormon Blog Award

Receiving the news that President Paternoster did not win the 2012 Brodie Award for the ‘Best faithful-perspective Mormon Blog’ has left me, Sister Paternoster, heartbroken and despondent. 

What’s even more demoralizing is the sad fact that he wasn’t even nominated for this prestigious annual award.  Instead the award went to Feminist Mormon HousewivesThis is a disgraceful name for a supposedly faithful blog.  Mormon women need not be caught up in the feminist movement. Elaine Dalton, General President of the Young Women's organization has recently confirmed what President Paternoster has been teaching us sisters for years -  that Mormon women have absolutely no need to lobby for rights. The President also taught that feminists are completely unnecessary within the Lord’s Kingdom and that what the Church needs are more women who are obedient to inspired priesthood authority.  I have always done my best to rise up to this counsel.  

In addition to not winning the above award the President also did not receive an award for the best exit story.  This is surprising given his speedy exit from the chapel and car race home to read a letter that had just arrived from the First Presidency (http://stakepresident.blogspot.ca/2012/01/president-paternoster-gets-letter-from.html).  In all his years of glorious service to the Lord, he has never gotten home so fast!  And yet the award went to Sister Stephenson who admits to having a perfect life within the Church before succumbing to the misery that accompanies those whom Satan overcomes. http://www.salon.com/2012/06/01/but_im_a_good_mormon_wife/singleton/

As a final blow the organizers of these awards obviously overlooked a technical glitch in their system and for the second year in a row awarded the late president with the Best Humor/Satire Site or Blog. (See all blog awards here: http://latterdaymainstreet.com/2013/02/06/congratulations-2012-brodie-winners/).

There is nothing humorous or satirical about a humble Stake President relaying his spiritual experiences online as a testimony against the wicked.  I am horrified that such a terrible error would occur not once, but twice.  I take comfort in knowing that all these wrongs will be made right in the world to come.  In the mean time the organizers of the Brodie Awards better have a good lawyer.  

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sister Paternoster, I have actually learned more about Mormonism from this blog than I have from those seeking to convert me of the obfuscation of the official sites. That is my personal experience. And never was I tempted to fall asleep while listening.

Congratulations on your reward! Well deserved for sure.

Anonymous Gideon said...

*** NOTE TO THE READER OF THIS BLOG ***

This is NOT a website sanctioned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Further, "President Paternoster" is not an actual stake president within the Church.

Rather, the content of this site varies from farce to pointed criticism [which is, at times, painfully accurate].

Many, but not necessarily all, of the posts are written in mockery of those who are sincerely striving, albeit imperfectly, to follow Jesus.

Caveat utilitor.

Norm said...

Great post. Dont.be too upset Sister. My bog was actually nominated in the 'best moving on from Mormonism' catagory. Funny thing is that although I won in another catagory in 2011, this year I discouraged.people on my facebook from voting for me due to the.fact that imo wanting to win......did not authentically relect the 'moving on' catagory lol.

I think its.awesome that niether of us won and that for the.most part we are all.......moving on.

Norm said...

Apologies one should not attempt to write comments on a cellphone keyboard after midnight.......my spelling sucks lol

NeverMo Mike said...

I must be a prophet. For I warned President Paternoster in these pages that those pesky anti-Mormons would send him a Brodie award.

Sadly, he's no longer with us to see my prophecy come true. For he won an award for a humorous post posthumously.

Hartman Rectum Jr. said...

Thank goodness for the atonement...where all will be made right. Pres. Paternoster will receive the coveted best blog award and glory shall be added upon him and all who have followed his blog. Wrongs will be made right and our understanding will be made sure. Our minds will be quickened and we will comprehend why and how this blog won "best humor or satirical blog"....all parts will flow into one great whole. Blessed be the name of Pres. Paternoster and our Father. We'll see you next in the millenial reign and blessed be the day that we get to show off our plural wives.

Peace...out

Dallin Ageold Hoax said...

Sister Paternoster
Verily this is a grevious error by the Brodie judges, who have clearly been influenced by the devil and his dark minions. An insult to one of the great spiritual giants of our age. How often I have wondered how much faster the one-and-only-true gospel would have spread if our own beloved President, even William Paternoster had been the profit instead of the simple-minded and dementia-ridden current Prophet who shall be remembered only by his most famous words "1-2-3 Lets Go Shopping" Surely President Paternoster would have been spreading the gospel, exposing false doctrine, strengthening the saints and helping the poor, instead of building a great a spacious (and money losing) shopping mall.

However sister, I can feel the power of the priesthood in your words, and I testify that someday, in our lifetimes, women will not only be able to pray in General Conference, but they will hold the priesthood, even if a lower priesthood. Some say "it will never happen" but in my youth, we read of prophets that said "descendents of Cain will never hold the priesthood" and yet now they can. Please keep up the good work, even if only to honor that great spiritual giant, William Paternoster (who rests not in peace but is climbing the stairway to Godhood even as we speak)

Anonymous said...

¡Creo que en solidaridad por tal injusticia al pte.Patermoster las autoridades generales y profetas deberian dimitir, como a hecho el Papa.

William Morris said...

Dear Sister Paternoster:

My condolences on the grievous loss of your beloved. In this time of mourning, I would like to take this opportunity to reach out, and invite you into our fold, so that you can be comforted in the manner that which you deserve~

I happen to be involved with swell group of fellows who believe that screen actor Robert Reed (better known for his role as "Mike Brady" from "The Brady Bunch" television series) was also a latter day prophet (befitting the caliber of Joseph Smith). We are inauspiciously referred to as the “Sunshine Day Sect” but we prefer to be identified as the “The Sunny’s”. Currently, our local congregation meets between 6:30pm and 8:30pm every Monday night at the Senior Recreational Center in Goodyear, Arizona. We devote our first hour exploring the truth and wisdom of the proverbs spoken by Mike Brady in the original Brady Bunch episodes. It's a totally happening scene in a far-out way!
The remaining hour is spent in praise and worship, and at the same time we are also honing our musical talents and getting ready for our imminent “World Tour”. Our venue covers time honored melodies performed originally by “The Brady Bunch” (episode 92: Amateur night) such as: “Keep on”, “A Time for change” and my personal favorite, “It’s a Sunshine Day” (every body’s smiling). With your blessing (of course), we will be posting soon our schedule of appearances on this, and other LDS sites…. So please, stay (prayerfully) tuned!

That being said, my brethren and I would be most honored to indoctrinate you, as well as any other “like minded” female individuals as sheep into our fold (currently, we have no women parishioners). You, together with those sisters with the attributes of Marcia- will be esteemed above all- followed by Jan, Cindy, Carol- and last but not least, good ol' Alice. I would ask you, as well as any sisters of chastity who wish to be considered as potential converts, to please submit a full length photo donning your Temple Garment attire; to my gmail account- in order that we can properly assess your virtues. Due to our God given right to propagate, and our current lack of respondents, we've expanded our search to also include those with the attributes of: Laurie (From the Partridge family), Elly May (from the Beverly Hill Billy's) Ginger and Mary Ann (Gilligans Island) And Blair (From The Facts of Life) We also have a request for a Tootie (from the aforementioned Facts of Life TV series)

We will be anxiously awaiting your submissions, as well as those of your fellow weaker vessels- who desire to be esteemed and embraced by myself, and eventually by my brethren.

PS: As you may or may not know, Robert Reed (Mike Brady) died of colorectal cancer in 1992 :( Therefore, the majority of our brethren have sworn off red meat and practice Veganism. Meat eaters however, should fear not- as there are still those in our flock that follow the doctrine of "Sam" the Butcher… so being a vegetarian is not a prerequisite!

Peace-love-dove groovy chicks! :)

In Him, William “JD” Morris

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister Pasternoster. Will you be publishing your late-husbands memoires? I really hope that his inspiring messages will be saved for future generations. I am sure that God will bless this book to sell briskly at Deseret Book so that you can consecrate the earnings to the building of the kingdom after you have paid your tithing. I would gladly buy a copy and keep it on my shelf between A Miracle of Forgiveness, and Mormon Doctrine: A Compendium of the Gospel.

David Brantley said...

To members of the LDS church:

Please use extreme caution when reading this blog, as well as other related blogs. Many teachings of the church have been twisted to be negatively and inaccurately portrayed.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much, Mr. Brantley, for the much needed warning. We are grateful for your Priesthood-inspired wisdom. It's a good thing I read your comment as I was about to leave the church based on the content in this blog!

We wouldn't want LDS members to be led astray since they apparently can't use their brains to discern satire from serious writing.

mike said...

Over at rationalfaiths.com, we are going to be doing a series on LDS-themed blogs and are wondering if you would be interested in contributing.

mike

Piper said...

thank you for putting this up such a really great site. Stimulating me to read much more.

Piper
www.trendone.net

Anonymous said...

I'd love to hear your take on the Denver Snuffer, Passing the Heavevly Gift affair. New post?

Tom said...

I miss you President Paternoster. Maybe Sister Paternoster can take up the mantle?

Anonymous said...

You Idiots!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Readers,
I am a REAL member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You have no way to verify it, you will have to trust me and others who have left similar warnings here.

This website is meant to poke fun at, make light of and otherwise serve as a farcical and satirical look at certain aspects of the LDS church. While there is some truth, there is much more erroneous information. This is NOT a site to learn about the Gospel of Jesus Christ as contained in the Bible.

But I will admit I found some of the posts humorous. And Paternoster was a brilliant name to use. See the dictionary definition below. However, if you really wish to actually learn about the beliefs of LDS church members, consult the church's website or better yet, make friends with a Mormon and get the information straight from the source.

Best wishes to "Paternoster" in your next enterprise.

pa·ter·nos·ter
noun
1.
( often initial capital letter ) . Also, Pater Noster. the Lord's Prayer, especially in the Latin form.
2.
a recitation of this prayer as an act of worship.
3.
one of certain beads in a rosary, regularly every 11th bead, differing in size or material from the rest and indicating that the Lord's Prayer is to be said.
4.
any fixed recital of words used as a prayer or magical charm.

Sister C. Bliss said...

I hope it was not the awards that did dear President Paternoster in. What will the church do without him? His ability to explain the gospel and shed light to its (in)consistencies will be greatly missed. Praying for his resurrection! RIP Paternoster.

Anonymous said...

You greedy bastard you didnt get the brodie award because the judges are influenced by satan. You didnt get it because you suck.

Leslie Lim said...

Nice post. I enjoy reading your article. I found new ideas and very good information. I will come back for the next post. Thank you.

Jam
www.imarksweb.org