Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Passing of President Paternoster


It is with the deepest regret that I, Sister Paternoster, announce the sudden and unexpected passing of President William Lilburn Godfrey Paternoster.  

He suffered a major heart attack today while sitting on the stand at Church waiting for sacrament meeting to start.   We were visiting the local YSA branch when a small group of sisters entered the room.  As Bill turned to them his smile quickly faded into a look of horror and he started to clutch his chest.   I rushed to his side while the Branch President called an ambulance.  Bill was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. 

He will be sorely missed by family, friends, the faithful members of his Stake and readers of this blog.  

The sisters in question feel awful for rebelling against the Brethren.  They have promised to never again wear pants to Church.  









47 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so very very very sorry. President Paternoster has been a great inspiration and joy to my otherwise dull life.

Anonymous said...

This morning I was debating on whether I should take my feverish child to church, or stay at home. After getting dressed, I decided to stay at home until the fever broke, at which point I took my children to the grocery store to buy groceries I hadn't had a chance to get during the previous week. It is possible that I, too, created a spiritual void that may have contributed in some small way to the hellish view that was his last view of this earthly existence. I am so sorry. So sorry. I will attend next Sunday, wearing a proper-length dress, nylon hosiery, and closed-toe shoes as my own personal path to repentance.
My condolences.

Anonymous said...

Sister Paternoster,

PLEASE assure us he will continue his blog from his place in the highest of three levels of the Celestial Kingdom?

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to his resurrection in 3 days.

Anonymous said...

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Till we meet again.

Anonymous said...

Oh, please, no!

Anonymous Gideon said...

*** NOTE TO THE READER OF THIS BLOG ***

This is NOT a website sanctioned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Further, "President Paternoster" is not an actual stake president within the Church.

Rather, the content of this site varies from farce to pointed criticism [which is, at times, painfully accurate].

Many, but not necessarily all, of the posts are written in mockery of those who are sincerely striving, albeit imperfectly, to follow Jesus.

Caveat utilitor.

THAT HAVING BEEN SAID, may I just say that the whole pantsuit controversy is ridiculous, IMHO. They are PERFECTLY acceptable!

Anonymous said...

Everyone stand back.

By the power of the High and Holy priesthood of Melchizedek, I command ye to rise from your grave.

In the name of Joseph Smith.
Amen.

Anonymous said...

Well, they may be PERFECTLY acceptable to you, but I can guarantee you that they are not to the general population of the church. My husband upon hearing about the movement was angered and incensed that women want to change his church. If they don't like it the way it is, then get out, was his response. And he was extremely serious. The way a woman or man for that matter dressed is very much tied to their perceived worthiness to worship in God's only true church, so don't act so righteous in saying your views are everyone's views.

Anonymous said...

Happy Trails my Dear President P. It has been a privelege.


HH =)

freetochoose said...

Oh, no. This is too incredibly sad.
Ah, well, at least you died defending the faith. Thanks for keepin' it real, dude. Gonna miss your wonderful insights. Try to have at least as much fun on the other side. ;)

Anonymous said...

Boo!

AlexisAR said...

every woman who has every considered wearing pants to church has his blood on her hands. Earth must atone for the blood (or heart attack) of this man!

Maybe the President will continue to communicate with us from beyond.

Anonymous Gideon said...

@Anonymous dated 12/17/12 at 11:35 a.m.:

Please accept my apologies. My comment was mine alone, and I acknowledge that I do not speak on behalf of the masses.

Far too often in the church (and many other social institutions) the members falsely conflates social norms and mores with doctrine. While it is not often clear to many, the truth is that doctrine > policy > procedure > social norms. (Or something like that.) And the sad truth is that this very issue of conflation is what gives rise to a site such as this to exist, in many ways.

Anyway, my apologies, and please tell your husband that I said that he's being bull-headed and backward.

mahonri kimball said...

I feel great disappointment and sadness to hear that the good President is on his way to Kolob. Yet, it is such a marvelous blessing to move on to our ultimate destiny of eternal creation and procreation, that I can't help but be happy for him.


I hope that he, even as I write this, is procreating his brains out.

As a side note, I hope that the Pres. continues writing his blog from the other side. There is no good reason why if spirits can visit and talk to us, that they are somehow are unable to send a simple email. I can't imagine that God doesn't have access to the internet...?? The thought makes reason stare.



Anonymous said...

Why did God decide to kill him while he was sitting on the stand?

Anonymous said...

God speed President Paternoster.
Laughter is a medicine not easily available, and when found and lost, hard missed.

On a more serious note; Say hi to brother Joseph and enjoy your Godhood.
Remember what you promised.. Do not make mosquitoes on your planets.

Anonymous said...

He will be missed. Suck a great person and a wonderful blog!

Bishop Smegma said...

A Great Light has departed our shores ...

WWN said...

Nooooooo! What a sad day…

President Paternoster merits highest esteem for all he has done to open the eyes of thousands of members and prospective members to the truth about the Mormon Church.

Heartfelt thanks and abiding respect to a brilliant, compassionate, and courageous man!

WWN

a lowly sister in the one true church said...

I have rent my garments and donned sackcloth. Unhappily I have no ashes with which to cover myself in this time of mourning, so I will make a greater sacrifice. I solemnly covenant with President Paternoster to NEVER AGAIN wear pants to church. Amen. (oh, and my condolences to you, Sister Paternoster~ someone I hope to one day call "sister wife").

Elder Theophilious G. Ridley said...

Whilst we may mourn the loss of our beloved President Paternoster, I have no doubt that President Paternoster is busy raising a warning voice in spirit prison and continuing the Lord's marvelous work in the spirit world. Just as Jebediah M. Grant and Heber Hale saw in their vision of the Spirit World.

Anonymous said...

owned

Goldarn said...

For shame, President Paternoster! Instead of dying, you should be setting an example and going on a mission, or even becoming a mission president!

My faith feels empty and my heart is broken. Who will I follow now? Who else could inspire me like unto the President, even President Paternoster?

I sincerely hope that other senior members of your stake do not follow your example, but choose to go on senior missions!

Anonymous said...

3 days... Arise PP. Arise, it is time for you to come to the Americas.

Cindy said...

I've been so busy I haven't had the time to check this blog. I have always enjoyed reading these posts and learning from the council in them. I am very saddened to have learned of the passing of President Paternoster. My sincere condolences Sister Paternoster.
Sometimes we can become complacent and get careless with our choices. We forget that what we do or say can affect those around us both positively and negatively. It sounds like the group of young ladies who the President saw were not dressed the way they normally do. Maybe they had been at a sleepover and forgot their Sunday clothes, I don't know, it's just sad that their actions resulted in something so serious.

Anonymous said...

Thank you President for the edification and wisdom over the past few years!

☼ Dayna said...

Happy Trails, President Paternoster. It's been a fun ride, thanks.

Corpus said...

President Paternoster, again you humble me with your faith. O, wretched man that I am! Had I but as much Priesthood Authority in my entire body as you have attained in just the tip of your pinky finger, I would smite these troublesome trollops, with their pants-revealed deliciously curved buttocks and finely toned calves ...

Where was I? Oh yes. Had I but a smidgen of your righteous power, I would call down the powers of heaven and smite these wayward wenches with a sore cursing. How you restrained yourself from doing so...indeed, that must be the cause of your heart attack.

I pray that, not unlike Joseph Smith, your passing may give us purpose to return to Zion. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Only the Prophet of the Most High God, even Thomas S. Monson, could call for the literal gathering of the handcarts and wheelbarrows and long trek to Jackson County, Missouri.

Anonymous said...

¡En su regreso a los jardines florecientes de Kolob,por las inmensidades de Universos paralelos,acuerdese de tanto pensamientos huerfanos,triste y desconsolados que la partida provoca. Con la mirada perdida se quedan los ignorantes,los sufridos homo sapiens,en el mundo triste y solitario. In memoriam.

Notknowing said...

Long shall his blood which was shed by pant-sassins, plead unto heaven while the earth lauds his fame.
Hail to the President!
Ascended to Heaven!
Feminists, gay, intelekchewALSSSSS...
Now fight him in Vai-ai-ai-ain.

Kolobian™ said...

I now know of a surety that the Corporation for the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the capitalistic kingdom of God on earth.

On the morning of December 16, 2012, I was telepathically communicating with our father Elohim in the Star System Kolob through the medium of Kae-e-vanrash when suddenly I was struck with an overwhelming feeling of terror and darkness. Thinking I was to have my own first vision, I quickly did a mental check on whether my tithing was fully paid, were any of my garments touching the ground, and had I done 100% of my home teaching this month?

I did not have a vision, but I went to the temple to seek further light & knowledge where the veil is most thin, yea, even the victorian hotel lobby we call the celestial room.

I was impressed to visit our dear President Paternoster's blog as God's house is a house of order and he will never give me revelation that he could give to a priesthood leader instead.

Then I discovered a terrible truth. President Paternoster had passed away, a legacy of leadership, nobility, and greatness that only Joseph Smith himself had surpassed.

I bear my testimony that President Paternoster has done more for the salvation of men in these Latter Days than anyone, save Joseph Smith only.

I bear this testimony in the name of our Lord and Savior, even Jesus, the Christ, the lord of Saboath, he who comes as a thief in the night, the Holy One. Amen.

Tim said...

Those are the saddest news I've ever received on these years... my prayers are with you Sister Paternoster.
I don't know what am I going to do now, where my "further light and knowledge" are going to come now. I feel like I'm going to fall into temptation and end up in outer darkness without the counsel of Prez.
I know you are not one to hold the priesthood and you being just a sister are not capable to receive revelation as President used to receive, but I beg to keep this website up and enlighten us with his knowledge throughout by sharing some of the teachings and inspiration he received recorded on his Journal. I bet we can still learn so many things from him.

Jared said...

I just found your blog. The funniest thing about it is how much time you must have put in to write over 100 posts and be only mildly funny sometimes! That's funny. You obviously believe you wasted your time as a Mormon, so why waste another two years writing a very pedestrian blog? I'm sure your wife/partner/dating life/employer/kids/parents you live with or whoever won't be to sad to learn of President Paternoster's death.

Liz Godkin Marsh said...

Sister Paternoster, when you are feeling up to it, which shouldn't be long since the grave holds no sting when one has the fullness of the gospel and the promise of eternal life, would you consider re-posting some of the Presidents more uplifting entries? My personal favourite, which blessed my life immensely, was his admonitions on the Joy of Oral Abstinence and the always current topic of the dangers of Reason and Logic. I will continue to fast and pray on your behalf, and by fasting I mean I will have only a light snack at 11:55 pm the night before, perhaps some sugarfree chewing gum that morning, and possibly a light roast beef sandwich with a little horseradish mayo, on the side, at 12:01 pm the following day.

Mormon Prophet said...

Surely President Paternoster kept a detailed journal of his life, testimony, and most inner emotions. Would you please share a few of his best entries with us? I understand that you need time to mourn. I would imagine that someone as righteous as President Paternoster has a rather voluminous amount of material as well. I understand if you need to take some time. I am willing to offer my services in posting his journals if you desire.

Anonymous said...

That is ver mormon of you Jared.

Anonymous said...

That should read "very"..

Anonymous said...

So sorry to read about the death of President Paternoster. My only surprise is that after walking with God for so long he was not translated.

Moroniha said...

Yes, Jared. How very Mormon - Attack the messenger rather than consider the accuracy of the message.

Arguing Serves a Purpose said...

Jared asks why, after thinking he had wasted his time as a Mormon, Paternoster wasted two years with this blog. This presupposes that Paternoster thinks he 'wasted his time' as a Mormon. I was a Mormon for over 30 years but do not believe it was a 'waste of time'. But equally Jared might well ask himself why he 'wastes' his own time in reading Paternoster. It is all about dialogue. We all need it in order to find our way in life. Previously it was not available to former Mormons who found themselves high and dry when leaving the Church. Now thanks to Paternoster and others there is ample opportunity on the internet.

Anonymous said...

Jared, proof read, spell check, get over yourself.

Sister Paternoster, we love you, feel your pain, and will send over a casserole.

NeverMo Mike said...

First, let me say how saddened I am by the passing of PP. I plan to write more about that in a future comment here.

For now, I'd like to point "Gentile" readers to an article titled "Church pants and Equality" on page 30 of the Feb/April issue of the Arizona Beehive. (A "newspaper" which ostensibly "serves the 400,000 LDS members in Arizona.")

While the issue of women wearing pants to a ward meeting was apparently close to President Paternoster's heart, those of us outside the Mormon church haven't a clue why this is so heart breaking.

So I subscribe to the Beehive so I can better know the mind set of those whose minds are set by the church. Even tho PP has passed on, I wanted to pass the article along.

Sunshineblog said...

HA! I knew I'd bury that pear shaped suit.

Anonymous said...

Sunovabeyotch nooooo! This cannot be!

Anonymous said...

Uh, I think there may be a lot more trouble ahead if those women were to return after having taken their pants off. I don't think, at least in their case, coming to church without wearing their pants, is a good idea.
-Kolobian via anonymous server

Mark Eaton said...

Brilliant! Thank you for the good times!