Monday, November 14, 2011

Battling Pornography - One Sister at a time

Brothers and Sisters the sinister and diabolical plague of pornography continues to enter the homes of latter-day saints everywhere.  Pornography, like coffee, is addictive and can quickly spiral a person out of control where Satan awaits always ready to drag victims down the slippery path to hell.
While meeting with Cassandra and Jim about a stake calling I felt inspired to inquire about pornography and its usage in their home.  Jim, like me, felt that seeing a woman without clothing on would be a most frightful and damaging sight indeed and confirmed that he has avoided, as if it were a plague, any online pursuits of such atrocities.  His wife on the other hand after some encouragement eventually admitted to what I would call an uncontrolled addiction to pornography; yes Brothers and Sisters, she had a habit of reading romance novels.
In the ensign *article entitled “Addicted to Romance Novels” we learn about the danger of being addicted to literature of a pornographic variety and the devastating effect this has on ones sense of self worth.  The Sister in the article speaking of her addiction and her failed attempts to overcome it said “Yet my problem persisted, and I continued to try to conquer it by myself. The result? Repeated failure followed by self-loathing and depression.”
I asked Cassandra if she was living the gospel and if there was anything we could do to help her repent of her actions.  She confirmed that she read her scriptures daily, prayed fervently and fulfilled her callings in the church but didn’t feel the need to give up reading a chapter or two of her book before retiring to bed.
I asked Jim how he felt about the situation.  He answered as follows “When I discovered that my beloved eternal companion had become ensnared by pornography, I experienced the intense pain that only a priesthood holder in such a situation could suffer.  It is a deep sense of soul sickness, betrayal, and spiritual agony. It felt like the very roots of a precious eternal marriage had been yanked out of the safety and protection of the gospel. There was a very real sense of panic. I felt the safety and peace of the marriage relationship begin to evaporate. Trust, respect, honour, love and most importantly my priesthood power all felt deeply injured. I felt betrayed and used and have questioned whether I should stay in the marriage.”
Brothers and Sisters I hope you can see from this how pornography destroys happy homes and eternal family relationships.     
I asked Cassandra if she experienced the same self-loathing and depression as described in the ensign article and to my surprise she claimed she did not.  She seemed quite indifferent about the whole thing and wondered why we were making such a fuss of it.  In my many many years of experience as a church leader I have found time and again that indifference is one of the greatest tools of the adversary.  I find that bishops need continual training in their sacred duty of helping members feel the pain, gravity and severity of their sins, for the Lord does not look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.  The exquisite joy that is felt when sin is overcome and forgiven cancels out any self-loathing and depression that may have been caused as a result of counselling with the bishop.  As I always say "There is no forgiveness where there is no sorrow and there is no sorrow where there is indifference."
I asked that Cassandra refrain from attending the temple for a few weeks and that she attend the addiction recovery group and told her that if she was still in denial when we met again I would work with her bishop to consider further disciplinary action.  She seemed quite taken back and upset by this but I showed forth an increase of love toward her, as the scriptures instruct, by participating as I had her righteous husband give her a priesthood blessing.  It was a wonderful blessing in which the Lord promised her that despite her addiction to pornographic material if she would hearken to the counsel of her husband as he hearkens to the counsel of the father and if she would listen to her priesthood leaders and faithfully attend the addiction recovery meetings the Lord would help her to overcome this weakness such that the desires of her flesh would be subdued.
Tears welled in Jim’s eyes as I shook his hand, put my hand on his shoulder, and encouraged him to support his wife in her time of need.
Brothers and Sisters as the ensign article states “Sexual sin of any degree can be difficult to overcome. But with the Lord’s help, it can be conquered.”  If you are being tempted or, like Cassandra, are entrapped by pornography in any form please advise your priesthood leaders. They want what’s best for you and will be inspired in ways to help you, of this I testify in the sacred and holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blessed column. You are a light unto me, President Paternoster. :-D

Anonymous said...

Did Cassandra and Jim consent to this article being written about them? I'm not saying ignore the sin, but this is very personal. Where they ok with this part of their marriage being published on the internet?

Brigham Taft Pratt said...

Thank you for this timely message President. Although I do my best to shelter my tender-spirited wife from the evils of the world, I have found a few pornographic novels in our home. I try to pre-read everything she brings home but, with all of my other duties, it can be hard to keep up. You can imagine my horror when I recently discovered a sexually charged series of novels within the sacred confines of our bedroom. The series is called Twilight and it deals with, among other things, numerous attempts by both a vampire and a werewolf to have sex with a teenage girl. Pure Satan! Although the sexually charged scenes are not that graphic, they can definitely start the mind down the path to destruction. Luckily, I was able to burn the books while my wife was at her Relief Society meeting. When she returned home I successfully employed guilt inducing techniques learned on my mission to bring her down into the depths of sorrow. She was crying, so I knew she was feeling the spirit. During our discussion she confessed that she was planning on attending a new Twilight movie being released next week. I used the commitment pattern on her and she agreed not to go. All things considered, I feel as though my wife learned her lesson and will probably not need further discipline.

Brothers and Sisters, let us strive to avoid the evils of pornography in all of its forms. Husbands, let us govern our wives in righteousness and be ever mindful of their daily activities. Just as Brother Joseph had to threaten Emma from time to time, let us not be afraid to lovingly threaten our own wives if the situation requires it. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

AngelCowgirl said...

This is exactly why I always put cooking and home decor magazines in front of the pornographic ones in the checkout line at the supermarket (you know, the ones that showcase scantily clad celebrities or show soap opera characters having affairs). I am protecting myself and countless others, including young children, from these images which may eventually lead them down Cassandra's path to destruction!

Poor Cassandra does not even see that she has a problem... she is so blessed to have a loving husband that will tough this out with her, in spite of her horrific betrayal. He is obviously such a good man that we can assume all her needs are being met. Thank goodness for your guidance, President!

President Muckinfuch said...

My wife once brought home a set of novels of another pornographic sense, called Harry Potter. It was very graphic in its display of priestcrafts, magics and the like. Brethren, have we not learned about these evils entering our temples? Know ye not of the unclean things? Be a good steward and ensure that your families may be blessed by bringing only literature with a church logo in our homes. I say these things in the name of Jiffy Pop, Amen.

Ibowedmyheadandsaidyes said...

@annonymous...I can only assume that having their names attached to this story and broadcasted across the internet for the whole world to see is part of the "further disciplinary action" that our good President Paternoster is taking to help Cassandra and Jim with their problem.

Ibowedmyheadandsaidyes said...

I would like to take this opportunity to express my testimoney as it relates to the unholy and impure practice of reading pornographic material. I too have struggled with this and all forms of ponographic material throughout this mortal life.

I was first introduced to the written form of pornography when I was just 12 years old. I had already viewed countless pictures of nude women doing unspeakable things to each other. At first I wondered why they would be wrestling naked, but then I realized, with a sudden upwelling of understanding, that they were orally pleasuring each other.

I was amazed and horrified. And my poor innocence of youth was lost. Anyway, back to the written word day while snooping, I found a book my sister had hidden under her mattress and began reading about Jake and his throbbing manhood and what he was doing to Teresa's sweet junction between her creamy white thighs, and I had to admit, this was in some way better (i mean, more evil) than the pictures I was used to.

Long story short...I have repented of that stuff and I don't do it anymore. It's so bad.

In the name of summers eve, amen.

Anonymous said...

It must be said: Brother Jim has failed to exercise righteous dominion over his wife. This is unacceptable on any level. As can be found in the scriptures, the Lord does from time to time allow a man to lovingly beat the evil spirit out of his wife that she may once again feel the pure and blessed spirit of the Lord within her and so that she may be teachable once more.

If the situation were reversed where the priesthood holder was hopelessly addicted to the evil that pornography brings into the home, a PPI should suffice to bring the brother back to his senses. This is the unalterable and sacred pattern that the Lord has set for all of us. Amen and amen.

Cindy said...

God created our bodies perfectly to be able to bond with our spouses and to create life. The feelings attached to this are sacred and should be held as such. Some romance novels write in detail of things that just shouldn't be discussed outside of the bedroom. Even though the characters are fictional it gives the reader the false notion that they have the right to be entertained by something that should be kept between the two people it involves. It also invokes feelings within the reader that should only be stimulated by their spouse. On top of that the morals depicted in these books are often not in harmony with the standards the Lord has set for us. Maybe if Cassandra would focus on giving her husband more attention at the end of the day instead of turning to her novels his feelings of betrayal would be healed.

Jesus Smith said...

The problem with romance novels, like porn, isn't that it's about sex so much as about fantasy. We would never want to have members fantasizing because that leads us to seek something that isn't real. It is better if we focus our minds on heaven and angels and gold plates--those things are real.

So I ask, what do you do with a woman that can write her own novels? I mean, she could create this fantasy without aides...

Molly Smith said...

There is also a very real possibility of these poor, deluded sisters mistaking fantasy for reality, and placing unfair expectations upon their spouse!

I have a friend who participates in these sorts of smutty books, and she confided in me once that her favorite part was not the intimacy at all! For her, that was icing on the portrayal of a man who was romantic, thoughtful, and took a great deal of time and trouble to listen to the woman's needs, fears, and desires.

We all know that something like that will create unrealistic expectations. A true priesthood holder is a very busy man, and doesn't have that sort of time. Not only that, the best sort of romantic date is the sort spent on opposite sides of the room in the temple, doing work for the dead. A dinner or movie when one is raising a family is vanity and wasted money.

Emma Snyde said...

I have to agree with Molly.

The dangers of these pornographic descriptions of sex are evil enough, but even more damaging are the unrealistic expectations of male behavior.

I also have a friend who reads those trashy novels. She told me of a "romantic" scene in the book in which the main male character recites poetry dedicated to the female main character. This "poetry" expounds on all the so-called virtues of this woman: her intelligence, her unique personality, her inner and physical beauty, her value as an individual. What a waste of time!

When my husband and I were married he wrote me a poem as well. It was all about his dedication to the church and how glad he was to have a wife who was worthy to be married in the temple, would bring as many spirit children into the world as the Lord would bless her with, and support him in his priesthood duties. After all, for a man to be out serving in his callings, he must have a faithful, valiant wife at home.

These are the types of romantic sentiments that will help us draw closer to our Heavenly Father and to each other.

Anonymous said...

My wife had what I initially thought an endearing habit of calling out "Fabio" while we made love. Upon further investigation I learned that he was the model for many of the muscled, nearly naked pictures of men on the covers of these romance novels. I fear that she has succumbed to the addiction of pornography.

I searched through our book shelves and found many novels with questionable material. After fasting and prayer I opened the Journal of Discources to a random page and found these words of wisdom from Brigham Young:

"There are women in our community, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, and sixty years of age, who would rather read a trifling, lying novel than read history, the Book of Mormon, or any other useful print. Such women are not worth their room. It would do no good for me to say, Don't read them; read on, and get the spirit of lying in which they are written, and then lie on until you find yourselves in hell."
JD 9:174 − p.175, Brigham Young, January 26, 1862

I shared these words with my wife and counseled her to repent and to hearken unto my counsel as I hearken unto the Lord's.

Adam said...

I feel like a lot of these are directed only at women...This is disheartening. Women are not the only ones who struggle with pornography. Actually, I'd say men probably struggle with it more than women do.

Mahonri Kimball said...

I can testify that this is indeed a serious problem. I know of a woman in my ward who started out reading these kinds of pornographic novels.

After a few years of reading this filth, the spirit entirely left her. From then on she proceeded to self destruct. It was not long before she was drinking Coke and wearing her dresses above the knee! (with no pantyhose if you can believe it) Soon after that she began engaging in loud laughter and evil speaking of the Lord's anointed. In the end, she refused to obey her husband as she had covenanted to do in the Temple. Her husband instructed her to stay at home and be a homemaker. She had fallen so far off the straight and narrow path that she insisted on attending college! Of course the marriage could not go on in the face of such betrayal.

In our home we have only the scriptures and the Ensign. I keep my other books at the office. I choose not to allow my wife to read anything that is not scripture. I have seen first hand what can happen when a woman's mind is exposed to unwholesome ideas. As priesthood holders we must not shirk our duty to rule over our wives in righteousness and insist that they obey us, as we obey the Father.

Anonymous said...

It's a shame that the "skin of blackness" and "Curse of blackness" is all over your scriptures. It's considered part of a revelation from God, but the fact is, back in those days, this teaching about Cain, black people, and their skin color... it was already a widely held folktale. Even though it's as false as the four elements it was still widely taught as true back in America in the 1830s. But where everyone else has renounced it as a racist legacy of lies, Mormonism continues to keep it locked in their scriptures as "divine truth".

What a shame.

Parley P Pratt said...

President Paternoster:

Your pertinent pontification on pernicious pornography was presciently poignant at this particular period of my pretty pet Patty's pregnancy. Her prenatal prescription of penicillin for pinkeye prematurely put her under the powerful pull of this plague. Please persist in proclaiming these problems to prevent these putrid pornography peddlers from propagating this pathetic prose on a pristine public pitifully prepared to positively purge it.


Anonymous said...

Parley P Pratt: Perfectly personified placement of a particularly pleasant paragraph.

To everyone else: Idiots!

Adam said...

So why are only women being subject to this? Why do almost none of you talk about men in this topic of pornography? It seems like you only condemn women when this is a unisex issue.

Also, I do not like Twilight, but this is not pornography. There is a major difference between porn and a romance novel. Twilight is a romance novel. Please understand what it is you a writing before you actually post it.

John Hinckley Jr. said...

@Adam - When a horrible problem exists and it's widespread, toxic, and growing, you fight it at its worst fronts first. Clearly the pornography issue is, at its heart, being fueled by these shameless pleasure-seeking women who selfishly fulfill their lusty desires at the hands of Harlequin and other purveyors of this caustic and marriage-and-eternal-family-destroying smut.

A few moving pictures or still photographs are but mere distractions in the real war. Keep your eyes on the REAL heart of the matter, Adam!!!

Emma Snyde said...


The Twilight series, while not necessarily porn, could most definately lead to the harmful type of addiction to pornography novels that end relationships. Just as masturbation causes homosexuality, one leads to the other. Maybe you should read more of Spencer W. Kimball's work and familiarize yourself with this concept. Start with "Miracle of Forgiveness."


Molly Smith said...


You read romance novels?

If you were to study the divinely-inspired article at the end of the good President's post, you would see that it was directed towards women. We are directly on topic. While such filth as internet pornography is an obvious attack on our young men, sometimes it's important to also look for those temptations that are less obvious.

I, for one, am very relieved that my younger sisters ignore such trash, and instead peruse some very adorable and wholesome-looking little Japanese publications. These "Manga" have characters their own age, and although I warn them about the unusual hair colors, seem much more gentle and friendship-oriented then most American publications geared towards adolescents. The Light of Christ really is everywhere, isn't it?

Chris S said...

I divorced my first wife because she was addicted to a pornographic television program called 'Grey's Anatomy.' I can't tell you how betrayed I felt when I caught her watching the show, which focuses on the sexual exploits of a group of wealthy, brilliant, charming, sexy doctors. I'm not rich, brilliant, or sexy; imagine how I felt when I discovered my wife's addiction. By watching this program and participating vicariously in the on-screen fornication, my ex symbolically cheated on me.

It broke my heart to have to divorce her, but there is a silver lining: my second wife is far more valiant, and I'm still sealed to my first wife, so she can't marry anyone else in the temple and then cheat on them.

Kolobian™ said...

President Paternoster,

How very grateful I am to read such an uplifting blog on a dark monday morning. It is like a bright ray of starlight shining through the kokaubeam and reflecting off a shiny golden statue of Moroni atop a beautifully adorned temple dedicated to our Lord and Savior, even Jesus the Christ.

Sister Cassandra should hearken to the counsel of the Lord of Saboath and simply pluck out her eyes. If she is faithful in this, the Lord will bless her with spiritual eyes that will not be tempted to read scathingly sinful stories of sex-crazed satan-worshipers who trust in science as their salvation.

For my part I know that the Lord is merciful and has raised up in these latter-days fast food chains, low health standards, and television programs which encourage women to become obese and diabetic. This, coupled with the Lord's counsel that women should remove their eyeballs rather than read trashy romance novels, are truly the greatest gifts our Heavenly Father could bestow upon females, save the sacred duty of rearing our children.

Once every woman has accepted these divine gifts there will be no harlots or jezebels left to distract the men of God's priesthood and pornography will be no more.

I await that glorious day when I can go online and not be tempted to view such disgusting websites and the internet will be renewed and receive its paradasaical glory.

Truly we should all fast & pray for this all to come to pass. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Jesus Smith said...


You've failed to understand what is wrong with porn. It isn't sex. It is fantasy and illicit activity outside of marriage. We all know that the Brethren sanction our sex as long as we do it according to their command--in a temple marriage. Anything outside of that is really eternal sin, and viewing imagery or reading novels about sex is fantasy. Fantasy is the real evil. It leads us to think of experiences that are not true. Men viewing a suggestive image or video leads to fantasies about activity. Women reading about sexual relationships in novels leads to fantasies about another life. In fact, by that basis, novels are worse! Fantasizing about a better life than one can really have is just wrong! Better that you think about Heavenly Father and his kingdom. If you must fantasize, heaven is a better ideal than a fantasy marriage/sexual relationship.

Understand? ;-)

L. Boyd Grant said...

Dear President. You are right about the coffee-like addictiveness of these pornographic materials. I too, found that my wife was reading these so-called "romance novels." I had begun to be suspicious when she requested that I pleasure her. Upon asking what she meant she described practices that can only be described as unholy and impure. Another time she giggled and said she was holding the priesthood. Finally, in one of our ppi's she confessed. You can imagine my horror and sadness. I no longer feel I can call her my Eternal Companion. I have put her on a kind of probation until she has enough faith to ask for a blessing. Thanks again President.
L. Boyd Grant

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, I scream out the names of Ray J. and Reggie Bush.
Is there hope of redemption for me?

It all started when I became addicted to watching a certain Mid-Eastern family on t.v.
I was enticed by their lavish life style, for they pay no tithes and wear no garments.

Next thing I knew, I was renting the sex video of Kim instead of paying Fast Offerings to the bishop.

My addiction is now causing serious problems in my temple marriage. For my HP husband will neither enter the backdoor nor relieve himself on me.
Moreover, his vanilla wood cannot measure up to Ray J. But this is all I desire now and fantasize about day and night.

And thus we see what misery pornography can cause even in the life of a devout sister.
I would gladly accept physical punishment to rid myself of my ungodly desires. But you see, I fear I would enjoy that too much also.

Pray for me.

Joseph K. Packer said...

Thank you very much President Paternoster. My wife also fell in the trap of the adversary when she started reading romance novels and of course one thing led to another and for 5 years she has been addicted to XXXhugeblackcock.comXXX. She has several times requested sex through the posterior orifice. I said no as the spirit dictated me. She continued insisting and insisting and I continued to refuse in the name of Jesus. Now this Jesus is a hispanic construction worker that she met two years ago and apparently she has gotten her filthy desires satified by this illegal immigrant , for the last time I had sexual encounter with her (Missionary position with the garents on) I noticed that her anal sphincter was much bigger than usual. If she sins at least she didn't sin with me. I say these things in the name of jesus, the illegal immigrant who is executing my wife, amen.

Adam said...

@John Hinckley Jr - I understand what you are saying, but I don't think that women should be the only ones to blame. We, as men, need to own our own sin as well. If any man says he has never looked at a woman lustfully, he is a liar! I feel that it is wrong for men to say that this is only a woman's issue. It clearly is not.

@Emma Snyde- Just because a novel COULD lead someone to make their own decision to act lustfully, doesn't mean its pornographic. I think you all are labeling and misusing the word "pornography". Twilight in no way is closely related to pornography. Also, masturbation does not lead to homosexuality. Who ever told you that is a liar! It has never been proven and it is not scripturally based. This is the idea of someone who doesn't want others to commit that sin, so they make of a false claim to keep others away from that sin, AKA they lied to others to keep them from sinning. But in their effort to keep others from sinning, they sinned themselves by lying.

@Molly Smith- Why is this directly only at women? Isn't that sexist? Why do you, as a woman, put up with that? Its wrong to say that this is only a woman's sin. That is a lie! It is clearly not, as you stated with the internet porn. So why is everyone directing this only at women?

@Jesus Smith- I never said I condoned pornography, did I? Show me where I said it? I believe pornography is wrong and it is a sin. I agree that whether it is suggestive (meaning actually suggestive=Clearly talking about sexual acts. Not a romance novel. These are clearly different) or internet pornography, it is a bad thing. I agree that it is wrong for a male or female who is married to be fantasizing about someone other than their husband or wife. I agree that

@Everyone: What do you say defines pornography?

I want to make my point clear. I do not believe that pornography or lust is only a woman's sin. I do believe that men are equally sinful and equally at fault with adultery. I believe that many man, or woman, who said they have never had a lustful through about the opposite sex, is a liar. I do not believe masturbation (as brought up in a post) leads to homosexuality. I believe this is a ignorant way of thinking if you believe this, and it is overall, a lie that masturbation causes you to choose homosexuality. I do not believe that Twilight (or novels similar to this one) are pornographic material. I do believe that it can lead to both men and women to have lustful thoughts, but then again, so could reading just about any form of literature. Instead of blaming harmless literature like Twilight (even though I don't like Twilight and I believe it does give women a false sense of what a man is and has to be in her life) we should be blaming ourselves for our sin, not the book. We are sinful. Everyone of us! You, me, Stake President, EVERYONE! We are all equally sinful, regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, worldviews, religion, nationality, anything! WE ARE ALL EQUALLY SINFUL!

Do you all understand what I am saying?

Adam said...

Also, I apologize for the spelling errors. I am under a load of stress with my studies because of the end of the semester rapidly approaching. I, as a journalist, should revise my writings, but I didn't before sending that. And for that, I apologize.

Anonymous said...

I, too, have suffered from the effects of female pornography. I agree with the thrust of President Paternoster's remarks. I urge my fellow church members to screw up your courage and hold firm to the rod. The problem is hard; the path is rough. None of us should waver from our firm purpose.

Captain Moroni said...

This article made every fiber of my being vibrate at the speed of love. Thank you stake president Paternoster! I don't know what I would ever do without your revelations.

Captain Moroni said...

Can you please excommunicate the lady that wrote Twilight? She is keeping our women from getting in the Celestial Kingdom I fear.

Gisele said...

Look, you guys might have good hearts about this, but you got it all wrong.
Adam is right, you are focusing and condemning women, but you are being naive and foolish about it. You are attempting to put out a campfire when there is a forest fire raging all around you. You really want to fight the issue of pornography? Look at the actual problems.
According to, 17% of women have admitted to accessing a pornographic site in the past year. Sounds pretty bad, huh? Well 65% of males admit to it.
And of those 65% of males, 15% admitted to have view violent pornographic material.
Of all of the rapists/ sexual sadists/ murderers in prison, 89% of them admit to having viewed pornographic material before committing the act in question, to "prepare" themselves.
And guess what, as much as you would like to fight it and pretend you are so righteous, even mormon men and women struggle with this. I agree, it is horrible, but rather than condemn women for reading romance novels, when they are probably focusing more on the story, not the sex, try to think about how to stop those who are truly at risk.

I realize 3/4 of you will not read this, and of the 1/4 that do, they will most of them will completely ignore my comment and not give it any credence at all. I have read your blog long enough to know that you do not allow anyone who has differing opinions to strike up a conversation unless they fight for it. They aren't necessarily trying to fight or be rude, but are trying to understand/ help and you completely ignore anything they say.
What I want to know is why? are you really that scared of confrontation?

Adam said...

If blogger had a "like" button, I'd like Gisele's post.

Queen of Everything said...

Adam & Gisele - from your comments, it appears that you are genuinely distressed by Pres Paternoster's post and the subsequent comments.

This is a SATIRICAL blog. Pres Paternoster writes about the actual LDS beliefs & practices in a humorous way.

Adam said...

Satire?! Really? I find that very hard to believe. Why would someone write something so disgraceful to women? I do not, in any way, find this humerus! Sexism is not a joke! As a journalist, if in fact this blogs purpose is for satirical purposes, it has been poorly portrayed. All I see is a bunch of people who are pointing all fingers back at women and saying everything is their fault, when in fact, men, like myself, are just as guilty of sin.

There is nothing funny about blaming women for all sin, or ignoring the fact that the LDS church operated a brothel and is ignorant to the fact, or to reject all logic and reasoning. Yes, I have been following this blog for quite some time now, and its so heart-wrenching seeing the things you all say you believe (or lack their off). Half the time you all ignore me and any attempt I have on asking why you believe certain things. All I see a bunch of self-righteous people who think they are better than everyone else, and if you don't like what someone says, you excommunicate them. I see a bunch of people who are terrified of opposition to their beliefs and anyone who is trying to gain a better understanding as to why you all believe the disheartening things you do.

If this blog has any intent for being satirical, it was failed to be expressed over the many weeks I've been following this blog.

Do you see where I'm coming from as an outsider?

Stake Pres. said...

I have said it before and will repeat it again. This blog is written for faithful members of the Lords’ one true Church.

Having said that all comments and inquiries are welcome and Adam, Gisele and others who have concerns over the content of this blog are free to speak up. Keep in mind that in this particular post (and most of the others) I have simply shown how the official teachings given at have assisted me in my sacred role as a stake president. Please read these ‘source’ documents (links have been provided) along with my blog posts in order to gain a better understanding.

Thank you all for your wonderful input. It brings tears to my eyes to know that there are so many faithful church members being inspired and inspiring one another through this blog. May we all hold tight to the iron rod of truth and persevere until the end of our mortal probation upon this earth which the Lord in his infinite goodness has given unto us.

Emma Snyde said...

@Adam, Please, do not say that you are calling a prophet of the restoration a liar. I bear testimony that Spencer W. Kimball was a true prophet of God and spoke under direction of the Holy Ghost, who testifies of all truth when he said: "Prophets anciently and today condemn masturbation. It induces feelings of guilt and shame. It is detrimental to spirituality. It indicates slavery to the flesh, not that mastery of it and the growth toward godhood which is the object of our mortal life. Our modern prophet has indicated that no young man should be called on a mission who is not free from this practice. What is more, it too often leads to grievous sin, even to that sin against nature, homosexuality. For, done in private, it evolves often into mutual masturbation-practiced with another person of the same sex and thence into total homosexuality...."
- Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, Pages 77-79 81-82

@Gisele, thank you for all your statistics. You must have done a lot of research. You might want to check out some recent research done at BYU that links violent behavior to swearing. I don't know the exact percentages, but at least 90% of those convicted of violent crimes have admitted to the use of crude language! We must stop this immoral practice of using crude words!

So, we can see that both masturbation and the use of vulgarity are the bane of humanity.

Stake Pres. said...

Thank you Sister Snyde. I use that quote from President Kimball whenever I interview young men wishing to serve full time missions. Quoting prophets, seers and revelators never fails to bring the spirit into the room.

Brother Heber said...

President I feel you have only scratched the surface in this case. Surely we are seeing the effects of the curse of Eve.
I am willing to bet that this woman has convinced her husband to remove their garments of the holy priesthood during marital relations.
Therein lies the problem. If we would all remain clothed in the garments during marital copulation we would seize to see the opposite sex in a sexual manner and remove any impure thoughts from our soul.
I testify that the garments were given to Adam and Eve as they were cast out of the garden and that we wear the same pattern today. They will bless us in more ways than you can know if you but allow them to become one with yourself.

Stake Pres. said...

Brother Heber when Sister Paternoster and I were married we were told to keep our garments on during activities of a procreational nature. It saddens me to understand that nowadays couples are taught to remove the garment for such activities and carefully place them in a safe place, never on the floor, where they can be quickly accessed as soon as the act of marriage has taken place. I personally feel that the former law was more spiritual in nature and worry that the complete nudity permitted in this day and age will induce upon our young people unwanted lustful thoughts and feelings.

JohnGalt_UT said...


Thank you for sharing your comment. I don't think that any of us disagree that men view pornographic images more frequently than women, but the purpose of this blog post was to remind us that even if women don't look at pornographic images, they should still feel guilty about anything that they read, think, or watch which fans the flames of desire.

This post is not sexist at all; in fact, it's the opposite. Women can be just as wicked as men. This should come as no surprise when we consider that Eve is responsible for all the evil in the world.

Adam said...

@Emma Snyde-Yes I am saying that it's a lie. Do you not see how drastic your claim is? You claim that anyone who masturbates is a homosexual, correct? This is very ignorant. I do not condone masturbation or lust, but if someone masturbates once (or even a lot) that does not make them a homosexual. This is like saying, "everyone who has lied is a compulsive liar" You are taking the issue and drastically blowing it out of proportion. You are missing the point. The point is it's sin. I know people that will openly say they masturbate, and they are definitely not homosexuals. Do you see my point. you are being homophobic and stereotyping! THIS IS WRONG! STOP STEREOTYPING OTHERS! You and every other self-righteous person on this blog are not any better than anyone else. You are not better that the prostitute, someone who is struggling with porn addiction or masturbation, the sinner, the liar, the tax collector, the one with leprosy, NO ONE! So STOP ACTING BETTER THAN OTHERS BECAUSE YOU ALL AREN'T! CHECK YOURSELF YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS! SEE THAT YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE, DESPITE WHAT YOU, YOUR PRECIOUS STAKE PRESIDENT, THE LDS CHURCH, OR ANY OTHER PERSON TELLS YOU.

@JohnGalt_UT- (In response to your comment to Gisele) Heres the thing, this story is about one woman's sin, but it portrays the man as being saint-like and never doing anything wrong. Mostly everyone's post's are directed at how evil women are because of "their" lust. WHAT THE HECK!? REALLY? I think a lot of you are forgetting that men struggle with porn and masturbation and lust too. Its not solely a woman's sin.

@Everyone-(Specifically directed towards Stake President)If you haven't caught on, I'm getting sick of everyone self-righteousness! ESPECIALLY YOURS STAKE PRESIDENT! YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE! SO STOP ACTING SELF-RIGHTEOUS!

JohnGalt_UT said...


It's not that we are self-righteous or think that we're better than everyone else; we just know that God thinks we're better than everyone else. That's why he has chosen us to receive the gospel.

The fact that the woman has the problem and not the man is just a peculiarity of this particular example. I'm sure there are plenty of wicked couples in which the men watch porn, and the women read porn, probably while drinking beer.

Anonymous said...

Adam, that was not Emma's personal opinion. She was directly quoting the revered church president and prophet Spencer W. Kimball on the matter in question. Mormons are taught to "follow the prophet." In fact, that is a song that we teach to our young children -- "Follow the prophet, follow the prophet,
Follow the prophet; don't go astray.
Follow the prophet, follow the prophet,
Follow the prophet he knows the way."

Brigham Taft Pratt said...

The LDS church and its inspired leaders, President Paternoster included, have always been on the cutting edge of progress when it comes to gender equality. I consider myself a sensitive person, and I can see no evidence of sexism in President Paternoster's inspired post. I think there are a couple key differences between you and I that allow me to see the world more clearly. First of all, I have the Holy Ghost with me as a constant companion that allows me to interpret situations and view people the way God does. Secondly, I have been blessed by decades of mind training by LDS teachers and my parents that has provided me with a firm foundation from which I gain a Godly perspective on life. From what I can gain your comments, it does not sound like you have accepted Jesus and joined his one true church. Either that, or you are a disaffected former member. If the former is true, I encourage you to contact LDS missionaries who can help you find true happiness in your life. If the latter pertains to you, and you have fallen away from the truth, I pray that you will repent before it is too late. Jesus loves you Adam, but I'm afraid if he were here today he'd probably whip you just like he did to those money traders outside of the temple. You see, it frustrates the Lord when people get in the way of his work. Please humble yourself and apologize to President Paternoster and the other humble and righteous followers of this blog. Then go out and call the missionaries. God bless.

Anonymous said...

If any man says he has never looked at a woman lustfully, he is a liar!

Not so. I am a man, and can truthfully say I have never looked at a woman lustfully.

This has not been as beneficial to my church standing as I had originally thought it might.

A question: is permissible to make use of pornography for the righteous purpose of arousing natural, wholesome opposite-sex attractions in those who lack them? I have this friend who would really like to know.

Utahhiker801 said...

Can I tell you how much I love all you guys? (and gals, oh, I mean sisters).

Just reading this brings a smile to my face, but I do have to watch myself to avoid loud laughter. I'd like to think that it's just moderate-volume laughter, but I'm sure I'd be trying to justify my sinful ways.

It's fascinating that in the President's story, Jim has a similar response to Cassandra's vile addition to pornographic romance novels, that many sisters have expressed when they stumble on to the fact that their husbands might be looking at pornography.

It's a testimony to me that the spirit works in such similar ways in these situations.

Adam said...

@JohnGalt_UT-OH HECK NO! Read Philippians 2:3-5 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in HUMILITY (NOT SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS!) consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not nly to your own interests, but also to the interest of thers. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Now, explain to me, WHAT DOES THAT PASSAGE SAY? and compare it to your answer of knowing you are above others because "god" tell you that you are.


First of all, I have the Holy Ghost with me as a constant companion that allows me to interpret situations and view people the way God does. Secondly, I have been blessed by decades of mind training by LDS teachers and my parents that has provided me with a firm foundation from which I gain a Godly perspective on life. From what I can gain your comments, it does not sound like you have accepted Jesus and joined his one true church"

....WOW!!!! SO JUDGMENTAL! REALLY? First off, I am a Christian, not a mormon. Second, I do have Christ, the one true and only God in my heart. Third, WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO QUESTION MY SALVATION?! HOW DARE YOU! This is the self-righteousness I've been talking about! And Fourth, I intentionally have not said this but I AM MINORING IN THEOLOGY!!! HOW DARE YOU CONDEMN ME! CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU JUDGE OTHERS!

Freddie said...

Adam, I think you should probably find a necktie and secure your wrists to a nearby bedpost so as to refrain from your habit of excessive commentary. (See Mark E. Peterson for details). After doing so, you may want to reconsider a career as a journalist; it may force you into the unimaginable position of a broader view. ;)

Adam said...

@Freddie- Again...CONDEMNING....WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO SAY THAT TO ME, LET ALONE ANYONE? I have not judged any of you. I simply started asking questions to understand what you believe. But, no, you all are too good for me. So have it you're way. Continue to think you are above everyone else. Keep thinking that, but the day Christ comes back, he will be the judge, not me, not any human, but Jesus Christ.

Adam said...

I have NEVER felt to disrespected by a stuck-up, snobish, self-righteous group of people. You all are unbelievable! CHECK YOURSELVES AND STOP JUDGING OTHERS!

Brother Heber said...

Brother Adam you are mistaking love for judgement. We are not judging you or this poor lost soul that is fallen victim to pornography.
We want all to come back into the light and experience the true love and fellowship that can only come from following the words and council of the brethren.
Please repent brother Adam and ask forgiveness for your prideful and non repentant thoughts and actions.
Short of this I fear you have been snared by the evil one, even Satan himself.
Humbly I pray

JohnGalt_UT said...


I didn't say that I am better than anyone else. I don't think that I am any better than anyone else. What I did say was that we are God's favorites. See the difference? I like cherry lifesavers best; does this mean that all the other flavors are worse, or that the cherry lifesavers think they are better than all the others? Does it mean I throw away all the other flavors? No! All it means is that I have a personal preference.

Now, to bring the analogy home: humans are lifesavers, and (active) Mormons are the green lifesavers. Don't feel bad about it. Non-Mormons have partial truth, and therefore, partial happiness. If you became Mormon, you would enjoy the fullness of the truth and the fullness of happiness. You would be a green lifesaver.

JohnGalt_UT said...

*cherry lifesaver
**green is my second favorite flavor

Anonymous said...

I have been silently following this little party for a while now and it is quite obvious that every one who has commented has flaws in their reasoning, but I'm not judging. I personally struggle with my spirituality, and perceptions are different for everyone. So I am not condemning anyone either. However, if you researched the history of your beliefs and evaluated the purity of your ideas and doctrines, it is quite clear that mormon beliefs are tainted by satan. Of course that is only if you believe in such nonsense. Either way it is currently unethical by social standards to condemn or judge people for your beliefs or force yours upon them. Especially since the jury is still out on the existence of a universal truth.

UnapologeticApologist said...

Anonymous said:

"It is currently unethical by social standards to condemn or judge people for your beliefs or force yours upon them"


Seriously, though. It offends me when I hear people disagree with my beliefs. Please try to be less offensive with your posts.

Emma Snyde said...

@ Anonymous
You commented that my quote from beloved prophet, Spencer W. Kimball was not my personal opinion. I would just like to make it clear to all that what so ever comes from the mouth of the prophets, becomes my personal opinion. I know this is an old quote, but as you know, our Heavenly Father is a constant, never changing God. In the Improvement Era of June 1945 a message was given to the home teachers of the church. In this message we are counseled; "When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done." These are words I live by. How can one go wrong when following the living prophet of God? I thank God every day for the fullness of truth offered in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know that no one can be truly happy until one has entered into the waters of baptism and been confirmed a member of God's one true church upon the face of the earth.

@ADAM- Your cyber shouting at me has not damaged my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. I know that you would feel much less angry and find much more joy if you would just let the true spirit of the Holy Ghost into your life. Also, please Google "Poe's Law" I hope you find the peace and happiness that I have. :)

Joseph K. Packer said...

I again commend the stake president for a great message. I continue to support my leaders and admonish my wife so she submissively follows my righeous guidance the same way that I follow the Lord's. My wife has now repented of her sins and I forgive her. It is my intention to help her come into the kingdom of heaven with my other wives to fill multiple planets with our spiritual children. I say these things in the sacred name of the saint of Israel even our savior Jesus Christ Amen.

Alger's Fannie said...

Dear President,

I love you in the most non-homosexual purely Christlike embrace using the patriarch grip kinda way possible.

You unfurl the banner of heaven, and make me sure all is indeed well.

God bless.

Anonymous said...


I have no agenda, I am not pushing for anything and I am actually quite conservative. However being offended that someone else doesn't share your belief system? I cannot understand this concept. My girlfriend and I have widely differing viewpoints, she believes in Christ, and I will not acknowledge things as true until there is a little bit of scientific fact backing it up. We are both very steadfast in our viewpoints, but we still function as a couple and in society because we are reasonable and tolerable of each other. I will apologize for some of the rude comments in my post, I just get frustrated when I see someone condemning a group of people who have done nothing wrong and continue to not hurt anyone. However I will not apologize for what I believe. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but no one has a right to condemn.

Thomas S. Manson said...

Our beloved Steak President has things well in tow here on this blog.

He is sew correct when he considers the hole realm of pornography. It is a sinister thing and there is much Moore to this issue (Mason, Ashton, Carmel, Jodie, and Jazella just to name a few) than meats the aye.

John Hinckley Jr. gave good head to the nail when he stated that the reel problem with pornography today isn't the fantasy videos, it isn't the smut magazines - stimulating and entertaining though the articles are. The hole porn issue circle jerks right back to the romance novel. That is where 98% of those dominated by porn have been sucked off the straight and narrow into the gay wide chute pointed down to the corsets of hell.

We must prey and tryst that these people can and will to cum out of their binds and find the true pleasure that exists in endless eternal polygamous polyandrous premenstrual celestial bliss while wearing the temple garment.

To Parley P Pratt - Props!

In the name of the ever eternal Savior, even Jesus Smith. Amen.

(P.S. - does anybody have $5 I can borrow?)

Rob said...

Adam, the LDS church has certain teachings and leaders have sometimes said things that create the same feelings in others that you are feeling now. These teachings and thinking (portrayed in this blog)do exist but with in the church (active members) no one admits it and if they do they don't talk about it. This blog is followed by many who have left the Mormon church. It allows them to laugh at these things instead of getting angry. Church members are told to never disagree with or even openly criticise (even if it's constructive criticism) anything a leader says or does. In this blog people are taking that to the extreme in a satirical way. It is a form of healing for many and healthier then being angry. Having you call them self-righteous and sexist just confirms to them that the church really was that way and that they made the right decision by leaving.
In order to more fully understand this blog you need to read the links along side the blog. If you do this you will better understand it.

Brother Abbot said...

Dear President,

I don't do blogging, but I found my wife reading your latest message in tears, so I decided to do a comment.

She told me that she is not allowed to read romance novels any more. I have to say that I think this is a bit steep. Romance novels help to get Sister Abbot in the mood, if you know what I mean. She is not the only one who will miss out by not reading them.

Yours, in frustration,

Brother Abbot.

Chris S said...

@Brother Abbot,

Be strong, brother. Remember that you and your wife will have all of eternity to have a healthy, mutually-satisfying sexual relationship in the Celestial Kingdom.

Boyd Kenneth Parker said...

Adam, like some people have said earlier, this blog, and especially the comments trail, can and do very very occasionally, become slightly satirical. It's just the nature of things around here. If you meet active, good-standing LDS members and get to know us well, you'll find that we have wicked senses of humor sometimes that get us softly snickering under our breath in private places.

Unfortunately, some of us can and do carry this satire too far, and I see that you've been exposed to one of those posters above, Rob. If it's not already too late and you've actually read what he has to say, I'd do whatever it takes to avoid reading it. If that means shielding your eyes from this blog, putting duct tape at that position on your monitor where his comments fall, breaking your monitor, or pulling off the internet completely, you should definitely do it. We cannot let our satire be carried too far, and I'm afraid that Rob above has crossed the line.

Heed the words of our beloved prophet, even Thomas S. Manson above, and Choose The Right.

In the Holy Name of Joseph Christ, Jr. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Please don't take your frustration out on the people who comment on this blog. As some others have mentioned, most people here are not current members of the church. Instead, they are acting as if they still were as a way of making fun of the views and attitudes of real church members. See, the church has very stupid rules, regulations, views, and attitudes that are blindly followed by its members. Once you have belonged to the church, and then get out, you can clearly see how stupid you have been for believing all the stuff they told you. As a way to cope, the people on this blog assume the roles of active members of the church. So if you see comments that are extremely outlandish, self-righteous, judgmental or imposing on others, they aren't really the views of the people commenting but rather the views that a true believing Mormon would normally express and we are just making fun of that. Sorry for the confusion, and I hope you enjoy this blog as much as we all do.
A girl who is still technically a member but no longer believes in the church's stupidity =)

Lowly Sister in the One True Church said...

I would like to ask the Stake President if I might humbly make a comment, but I feel so indignant and shaken up right now that I feel I must comment even without his permission.

Brother Abbot, I know as a sister I really have no right to counsel you, even (I assume) a righteous priesthood holder after the order of Melchizedek; but as the head of your household, you should be joyously supporting the transformation of your wife from a lowly cucumber into a sublime pickle worthy of consumption by the Lord in his Latter-day kingdom. Instead you are following the lusts of your own heart in encouraging your wife to peruse this so-called literature in order to fulfill your worldly desires. You are both dangerously close to "forbidden paths" which lead to the "dark and dreary wilderness."

I only feel that I can offer this gentle nudge towards righteousness because you can't cyber-hit me to teach me my place.

If only the other sweet sisters could understand something I learned long ago. When you deprive the natural (w0)man of the simple pleasures of life (hot drinks, hard liquor, the eating of meat, and other pleasures of the flesh that my purity of spirit recoils from mentioning) you naturally turn to other sources to fulfill your needs. You are able to throw yourself whole-heartedly into lessons, and meetings, and planning for meetings, all in the name of building up the Lord's one true church on this earth. What greater joy could be experienced than that?

As a beloved single sister, I wouldn't know about those other joys, but I feel to testify that they can't compare to the joy of serving in the Lord' kingdom.

P.S. President Paternoster, will you please be sure to delete and/or edit this comment if you find anything now or in the future that is not in communion with the mind and will of the Lord? Ever yours, a humble sister in the gospel. Amen.

Stake Pres. said...

Lowly sister-your comment is approved of the Lord

Anonymous said...

I too, am a sister addicted. My husband is an Elder's quorem president, so I feel even more guilty, as he is always out helping the members, and I sneak out my romance novels. If he finds out, I'm afraid of what he'll do! He already says I'm no good--not like all the single young adult women in the ward who seem to think he's so charming. Well they don't do his laundry, or see him belch and worse around the house. Maybe I shouldn't have married the first boy who came up to me at a stake dance, straight off his mission, but I'm stuck for eternity now. All I have are my romance stories. What can I do now?

David Allan Buttnar said...

@Sister Anonymous - The Holy Ghost has impressed upon me that there is much more to this story than you have shared with us here. Quite simply, you must be a better wife to your husband. As Lowly Sister above has shared you must transform yourself from a cucumber into the perfect pickle.

Do what you can to make the home into your husband's heaven on earth. Have a delicious, hot meal ready for him as he walks in. Have all of his children at the wait for his arrival, well-behaved, clean, and eagerly awaiting his wise counsel. For goodness' sake, make sure that the carpets are vacuumed and the floors mopped - under the tables, sofas, and his favorite recliners, especially. Nothing is worse than for him to get crumbs or soil on the soles of his house shoes or socks. Make sure that his bathroom is clean as a whistle and smelling fresh every time he goes in to use it. Restock the supplies regularly - make sure that the toilet paper is a FULL ROLL.

And then there's the matter of yourself. Have you ever thought of what his reaction might be if one day you were there, greeting him as he came home from work dressed in your Sunday best, with makeup and perfume, and weighing 20 pounds less than you do now? I'm sure if such a thing were to happen at your house, you'd find yourselves both blessed with a new spirit child on the way in a mere matter of weeks.

It's obvious, Sister Anonymous, that you have a high priesthood holder in your midst who is destined for his second anointing. You should ask yourself if you too are properly worthy to be his Queen and Priestess.

In the name of our ever loving and eternal Savior, even Jesus Christ. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Please tell me this is a joke. I can only imagine what was going through this poor sister's head when the stake president and husband decided she needed a priesthood blessing. Good grief.

Mr. President it was you who called her issue an "uncontrolled addiction." But she said she only reads a chapter or two each night. How is that uncontrolled? She made it clear she's leading an active, productive life of Mormon activity. You're creating a problem where none exist.

Russell M. Notson said...

@Anonymous - What do you mean, tell you this is a joke? Did you not click the link at the end of President Paternoster's wonderfully wise, gentle yet firm words of teaching that all of us should take to heart and learn from? If so, you'll see my very own picture at the end. These words are truly blessed of the Quorum of the Twelve.

Romance novels, while appearing benign on the surface, only appear so because they are Satan's way of bringing good people into the scourge of pornography. Were Cassandra's grievous sin not revealed to the dear President by the Holy Ghost during the interview, she would still be ensnared in the bonds of pornography and The Adversary would be in control of Jim and Cassandra's marriage and family.

The President was being loving and caring by withholding Cassandra from the blessings of the Holy Temple for a time as well. He is doing so to show Cassandra that pornography is just as caustic to the soul - and our worthiness - as are violations of the Word of Wisdom. One does not have to be a full-fledged alcoholic, or pornography addict, to see, feel, hear, and taste the damage that it does.

And with these comments, you'll have to excuse me. My dear wife and all of the sisters in my extended family have decided to grace our breakfast table with homemade doughnuts - and I need to make sure that I get back there before they're all gone!!!

In the Holy Name of the Book of Mormon - Another Testament of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Anonymous said...

David Allen Buttnar,
This is sister anonymous again.
You have good advice, and I am ashamed to say the house is not as clean as it should be, and the toilet paper rolls are not always full and facing the way men like them. If I keep myself busy cleaning and cleaning again, I won't have time to fall into the temptation of reading my stories. Why do our stores even sell this filth for me to fall into Satan's trap?

I will put them right out of my head and not think about them ever again. The next time I get a chance, I promise I will donate every book to DI...or would that be wrong too, because some other unfortunate female could get caught up with pornography? Now I don't know. I am not supposed to make these big decisions. I hate to waste, and just throw them away. Maybe I can find a nonmember and tell them it's OK for *them* to read that kind of thing, but I'm a Mormon and we don't approve of pornographic books. It could turn out to be a missionary tool! Yes! Now I just have to find somebody who isn't Mormon. That's difficult where I live! The church is so true, everyone here is already a member.

David Allan Buttnar said...

Sister Anonymous, may the Lord bless you for having written back and confirmed my spiritual impression. It is further hard evidence to all the world that this is indeed The Lord's One True Church and that the Restored Gospel is being preached accurately and clearly in it every day. Blessings also go to President Paternoster for providing this holy blog as a vehicle for the modern revelations of this type to take place in, even revelations that Jesus Christ is Lord of All.

Now Sister, back to your problem. First of all, never to worry about feeling or seeming indecisive. Heavenly Father has saw fit in the beginning, and clearly reveals so even today through modern revelation - that the role of a Righteous and Worthy Sister does not - and I repeat - does NOT include the making of ANY major decisions whatsoever.

Now, Sister, you first of all must repent of your sin to your Eternal Companion as well as to your Bishop. Understand that you will no doubt go through some gentle and thorough cleansing processes, which may include time away from the Sacrament or the Holy Temple for a time to ensure that you don't unworthily partake of these sacred ordinances - This is all for your own good.

And you may or may not remember one of my own talks given on the subject of pickles. But a special process invented by, patented at, and exclusively used by Deseret Industries was inspired by this talk. Donations of paperback books and magazines of any type can now be welcomed at Deseret Industries. Anything that is deemed unfit to be sold in our Thrift Shops will be subject to the Media Pickling process, whereby the objectionable material is left in pickle barrels soaking in a special brine that leeches and bleaches the objectionable material from them, rendering them as blank, clean vehicles for Children's Book of Mormon Stories, tracts, songbooks for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Sunday School lessons, Church Handbooks of Instructions, and so forth! This process has been in place for years now, and it has resulted in drastically reduced printing and paper costs for The One True Church.

So after confession of your sin to your Husband and your Bishop, please have them consider donating your discarded pornography to the Buttnar Recycling America Program (BRAP) via Deseret Industries.

I now briefly bear you my testimony that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is indeed the One True Church, that our living Prophet is Thomas S. Manson, and that he holds the keys to the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.

In the Holy Name of Mack Wilberg, Amen.

Anonymous said...

A recent experience has impressed upon me the timeliness of President Paternoster's reminder. An early Christmas letter from an old friend brought tragic news this year. His daughter began attending classes last year at a university vetted by her father, but unfortunately not affiliated with the Church.

Alas, a worldly intellectual had wormed her way into the English department, and exposed the young woman to a so-called "Romance novel" entitled Wuthering Heights. Brothers and sisters, I have of course avoided looking at this text. The title alone suggests lustful images of women wuthering in boudoirs on silken sheets (I do not know precisely what wuthering is, but there can be little doubt it is contrary to the law of chastity).

With exposure to the pornographic content of this so-called novel, the Spirit departed from the young woman, and she fell prey to feminist ideology and a multiple-earring lifestyle. I have faith that through her family's prayer and fasting she may yet be turned away from her downward path. But how much heartache and suffering might have been avoided had the warning against this form of "literary" pornography been heeded!

Emma Snyde said...

Thank you for bringing up the subject of pornography in academia.

The dangers here are very real. I am seriously considering homeschooling my children because they are increasingly required to read porographic literature for school. Two of the recent titles I had to forbid my high school children from reading are "Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger and "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley. Both considered classics of literature, yet they contain highly objectionable material not appropriate for a young son or daughter of our Heavenly Father. I was able to work with the teacher and my children read "Mormon Doctrine" by Bruce R. McConkie and "Miracle of Forgiveness." by Spencer W. Kimball instead.

Art class is also a danger. The teacher in our high school exposes the students to works such as Botticelli's "Birth of Venus." This is sure to inpire lustful thoughts in our young men. I suggested to the teacher that more students would be able to take her class if she examined more wholesome works like those of Greg Olsen, whose main inspiration is our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. After all, shouldn't Jesus be the inspiration for all of us and not the vile depiction of the naked pagan goddess venus?

C. Smith said...

I would just like to make it clear that the person who runs this website and most of the idiotic commenters claiming names of apostles and prophets ARE NOT Mormon. So don't listen to what they say INCLUDING the fake "stake president."
Now I should clear up some obvious misunderstandings since I am seemingly one of the only true Mormons on here:

1. We CAN read fantasy like Harry Potter(my favorite book series).

2. We CAN drink coke, no general authority has ever advised agaisnt it in any way.

3. We are NOT racist against black people, in fact, one of my best friends is black AND a Mormon.

4. Women are ENCOURAGED to go to college if they want, and a man is NOT encouraged to stop her.

5. Not all romance novels are discouraged, just the graphic ones.

6. If a man divorces his wife then he is NO LONGER sealed to her.

7. Men in the church do NOT "put their wives on probation."

8. While Twilight fans are annoying, they aren't neccesarily sinning just by reading the books.

9. Mormons DO NOT wear their garments while they are married and having sex (P.S. "Stake Pres." is a hoax, not a real Mormon).

10. Eve is NOT "responsible for all the evil in the world." If it weren't for her, none of us would would have been born. So show her a little respect, O.K.?

11. REAL Mormons don't go around bragging that we are "God's favorites." His only favorite is Jesus Christ. End of story.

12. Mormons have NEVER said that we will have multiple wives in heaven, nor do I think we will. If they believe it then they are terribly misguided.

13. @ "Thomas S. Monson": Please do not falsely claim to be my beloved prophet. Also thank you for your horrible spelling and ridiculous ideas for that matter.

And for all you foolish people acting as members of my church, I feel sorry for you.

Stake Pres. said...

Thank you Brother Smith - your insights are most welcome here and I will be happy to correct your misunderstandings of the gospel. We'll start with your statement about coke that "no general authority has ever advised agaisnt it in any way"

On my favourite talk at
( we can read the following from Bishop Vaughn J. Featherstone (a general authority)

"I was over in England a while back and a bishop asked me, “What is the Church’s stand on cola drinks?” I said, “Well, I can’t remember the exact wording of the bulletin, but I remember seeing the bulletin when I was a stake president. The Church, of course, advises against them.”

Mark H said...

Ummm, C. Smith,
Regarding your points #6 & #12, I think you should take the time to open up your D&C and see if Section 132 is still in there. If it is, then mormons still believe in multiple wives in heaven. And according to the Church Handbook of Instructions, "Sealing Cancellations" are only granted to a woman if a she wishes to marry another man in the temple after being divorced from a man that she previously married in the temple. A man may marry another woman in the temple after a divorce with merely a "Temple Clearance." Check your CHI.

C.Smith said...

Call me *Sister* Smith or just C.Smith please.

@"Stake Pres": Of course you respond to the least important statement I posted.

In the talk you guided me to, Bishop Vaughn J. Featherstone says:

"Well, I guess you will have to come to your own grips with that, but to me, there is no question."

You see this is his own opinion, a 1975 second counselor in the bishopric. It is up to you to follow his 35-year-old guidance.

I personally don't drink coke, but only because it is very unhealthy and I don't much care for the taste. But my mom, dad, and even my bishop drink coke, in fact we had coke at a ward party just this month, and nobody was asked to take it back.

The Word of Wisdom or Doctrine and Covenants 89 5-9 says:

5 That inasmuch as any man adrinketh bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

7 And, again, astrong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

8 And again, tobacco is not for the abody, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.

9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

So you see? Nothing is mentioned of coke. If you can find me an official statement of the church--and not anybody's opinion--then I will believe you.

Stake Pres. said...

C.Smith I was merely pointing out that a GA had spoken on the topic of Coke and that this can still be found on the official Church website. You learned something new today for which you can thank me.

I will get to your other misunderstandings later, unless another poster gets there first (such as is the case with Mark H's correct comment on the plurality of wives in the Celestial Kingdom).

Sister C.Smith said...

@Mark H

Can you please find and quote where it says in Doctrine & Covenants that the men will still be sealed to their multiple wives in heaven? Because I looked and it mentioned nothing of any heaven plural marriage.

I'm afraid I don't own a Church Handbook of Instructions, but I don't believe that a woman would still be sealed to husband she doesn't even live with or love. Even if that were to somehow happen I'm sure things would be sorted out in heaven.

Stake Pres. said...

From my stake president handbook of instructions:

"A woman who has previously been sealed must receive a cancellation of that sealing from the First Presidency before she may be sealed to another man in her lifetime (this is in the case of a civil divorce - a civil divorce has no effect on a sealing ordinance). A man who has been divorced from a woman who was sealed to him must receive a sealing clearance from the First Presidency before ANOTHER woman may be sealed to him"

Also the handbook is clear that if a man is sealed to a woman and she dies he may be sealed to another woman as long as she has not already been sealed to someone else. Since he would then be sealed to two women (and this precise scenario happened with my brother who's first wife died in a car accident) he will have both in the hereafter (assuming all parties are worthy).

I hope you are learning C.Smith. Also why do you call me a liar for "pretending to be a stake president" on facebook when you are pretending here to be a woman? I have no hard feelings and you are most welcome here and on Facebook - I just thought I would point that out lest there be any misunderstandings.

J. Orson Kimball said...

"You see this is his own opinion, a 1975 second counselor in the bishopric. It is up to you to follow his 35-year-old guidance."

To quote a truly spirtchul woman whom I love dearly, I say: "The Church is the same, yesterday, today, and forever, except when it's not." - Sister Dottie S. Dixon

Ms. Smith, I pray that the spirit of the mouthpiece of our Lord and Savior, the spirit of Joseph Smith, Jr. may soften your heart and ease your stiff-nekkedness. (Perhaps a chiropractor may be able to assist you with the latter.)

Your marginalizing the words of a man who was chosen through the inspiration of our god makes my heart ache for you. Do you not have your own copy of the Book of Mormon? Do you believe in its authenticity and its application for modern society? It was written more than 150 years ago, and yet you still believe in that. You yourself refer to the Word of Wisdom, a suggestion by Smith himself over a century and a half ago.

Your doubting and marginalizing this man's advice is marginalizing the inspiration of priesthood authority handed down from John the Baptist himself. He doesn't often make encore performances. We must trust that his priesthood authority has been passed down through the lineage of the great LDS oligarchy generation by generation.

This 35-year old advice still holds every strand of valuable insight today as it did over three decades ago.

I will pray for you tonight, and submit your name in our Holy Temple to be blessed by the Holy Spirit of Joseph Smith, and Jesus Christ. Amen

Thomas S. Manson said...

Thank you so much, "Sister" C.Smith (though you sound so much like an offended anti Ex-Mormon steeped in horrible sexual sin). Your expounding on the Word of Wisdom of our beloved Joseph Smith - my very own predecessor on this seat of the leadership of God's chosen ones in the latter days - is very educational even though the spirit impresses on me that you are flirting with same sex attraction originating from excessive masturbation.

I say this because we had, at around the same time that my $5 was laundered that I spoke of at our last General Conference, a family cow named Lezzy, who got sick with pneumonia, and my beloved father Charles Manson helped her smoke a pack of Salems each day for a month at milking time, and then before bedtime, made sure that she had a can of Copenhagen to chew with her cud. And wouldn't you know it that her pneumonia was cured completely, though she had the most hacking cough thereafter, and then a year later died of lung cancer. But that's a different story.

Similarly, my younger brother Charlie Jr. ran into my father's belt a few times after he came in too late for dinner one night. Well, my good Mother, Joseph Smith rest her soul, then skillfully took a can of Skoal wintergreen and with great judgment made a paste of a good pinch of the tobacco herb together with Vicks Vapo-rub, and rubbed all his bruises until the pain went away.

Finally, all of us Manson children would have straight vodka baths every Friday night in strict accordance with the Word of Wisdom - with special gin showers each fast and testimony Sunday morning.

And I've heard that a Bloody Mary soak is the best cure for skunk odor on those occasions when one gets too close to these gentle but powerful animals.

In the name of Jesus Smith and the memory of Brother Bruce R McKongie


Thomas S. Manson said...

Dear Me, President Paternoster -

Could you please delete that first post I made before my holy fingers typed my Full Name. If you could do this, I'll make sure Brother Dieter grants you two Second Anointings to issue to two couples of your stake that you choose.


Anonymous said...

I would like to comment in all seriousness on the issue of sealing cancellation. I divorced my first husband and we both remarried, with him being sealed to his new wife in the temple. My current husband is a non-member, so the sealing to my ex-husband is technically still in place. I wasn't allowed to get a sealing cancellation, though I was, of course, assured that things will all be worked out in the eternities. I am pregnant and according to Church doctrine, my baby would have the blessing of being born in the covenant under my sealing to my ex-husband. I chose to deprive my unborn child of the privilege of being sealed to my ex-husband to whom the child is not in any way related, by resigning my membership in the LDS church. I stated clearly in my resignation letter that they could either grant me a sealing cancellation or terminate my membership. They allowed me to resign rather than cancel my sealing, for which I am ultimately grateful.

Verle Jensensen said...

To Anonymous, my dear wife cries out "Fabio" also. What an absolute coincidence. What is your wife's name, may I be so bold to ask?

C.Smith said...

Okay, you idiots can ridicule my faith all you want, and you can pretend you know whats best for your sad, pitiful life. But I know what's best for me and my family's salvation and happiness, and when we die...well lets just say I won't be the butt of the joke anymore.

Joke's on you "stake president." I won't read the sad life-wasting blog of a single, probably drunk, ex-mormon hoping to fulfill Satans plan to mislead good people anymore.

I haven't lost any of my faith in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by reading this trash. In fact, my testimony was strengthened when I truly saw the devil at work trying to tear down our firm foundation here on this webpage.

And about the comment by the devil's advocate-Stake Pres.: "Also why do you call me a liar for 'pretending to be a stake president' on facebook when you are pretending here to be a woman?"

I love that you brought up those comments on facebook because they were posted by my dad. I've never been prouder of my dad when I saw those comments, and he inspired me to write a few of my own on here!

And yes, I'm afraid I'm not a woman--though I never claimed I was--I'm a YOUNG woman. You think girls can't come up with good points? You think we are too timid to stand up for our beliefs? You, "stake president", and this blog are the most sexist, lying things I have seen in all of my 14 years.

Stake Pres. said...

You express yourself well C.Smith. Thank you for coming onto this blog and I am glad that you are proud of your Dad. His words are very Christlike and set a good example for his family. I especially thought this was so when he said the following:
"I am more open-minded than all you idiots that fall for this Bullshit. Which is why I can be a "good little Mormon" and still call you bad names like asswipe, jerk, loser, hatemonger, bastard, bitch, racist, Nazi, trash, bescumber, microphallus, hircismus, cacafuego, blatherskite, and gorilla fart which are all probably complements.
Somebody told me they saw LDS Stake President on a kiddy porn site. I'll have a talk with his bishop.""

Like I say your Dad sounds like a great priesthood holder and leader of his family.

May God bless you in your search of the truth.

Elder Christensen said...

Sister Smith, I'm afraid you have really brought a spirit of contention to this blog. Please respect our beloved President and give yourself over to his inspired and illuminating words. You are speaking ill of the Lord's anointed, and you will probably end up in the 2nd or 3rd tier of the Terrestrial Kingdom unless you repent and forsake your sin.

Stake Pres. said...

Thank you Elder Christensen and all others who have commented here. I especially wanted to thank the anonymous sister who spoke of how she had to resign from the Church in order to have the sealing to her ex broken which would enable her child to not be born in the covenant (the child would have been sealed to her and her ex). Someone very close to me recently resigned for the same reason. She is remarrying (outside of the Church and temple)and the Church would not unseal the first marriage - so she resigned. I did a blog post on this issue a while back as it's important for members to understand the eternal unchanging laws of God in this important matter.

Llewellyn Khat said...

When I was in the Navy, we used to be given access to email on common computers. I used to set my alarm for a time when I knew there would be no other men sending letters home because I knew there were some men who would abuse the computers and find filthy pictures for titillation.

One time I opened the internet and it was already open but on the tool bar. It popped up and I could see pictures of women in underwear. I immediately felt some kind of power run through my body. I knew it was Satan trying to take control of me. I turned off the computer immediately and sat there alone. I felt some presence in that chair with me - something real and tangible.

I told the thing to go away. I thought of faith-promoting songs and scriptures. Finally I thought of our dear Prophet's face, and the thing went away.

I was left feeling weak, but I knew that I could overcome the temptations of a filthy world.

I now ensure all internet windows are closed before I try to use the email.

Pornography is everywhere brothers and sisters. Who would have thought blindness would one day be a blessing!

Barry Juniper said...

Well, Stake President, here we have it.

This "C.Smith," who claims to be the only Mormon out here, is really one of those 45-year-old, bitter Ex-Mormons who is probably abusing his Little Factory as he watches our reactions to his little tirade. Pretending to be a 14 year old girl? This guy probably sexually abuses 14 year old girls. He has crimes that would make Jerry Sandusky's head spin.

Despicable that he sits here and pretends to be Mormon. I wish that the satirists like C.Smith would just leave our blog and find somewhere else to troll. And the "father???" What a foul mouth on that one!! For shame. These two sinners will be running eternity with their idol Lucifer in the farthest reaches of outer darkness.

I rebuke them both in the name of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood.

Health in the navel, Marrow in the bones - Strength in the loins and in the sinews. And all that jazz.

By the way, the wonderful words of our beloved Prophet brought back wonderful memories of the gin showers my family also used to take every fast and testimony Sunday when I was growing up as well. We'd hit Sacrament Meeting smelling of fresh juniper berries, and the elderly women would always give us compliments about how fresh we smelled.

In fact, my grandfather used to talk of the times during Prohibition and the Great Depression when they actually coined the term "Bathtub Gin" for what they did with it. They bathed in it! In fact, they'd fill their tub half full of solid gin and then they'd leave it there for at least 3 weeks. It would kill all bodily odor and leave the fresh scent of juniper for all bathers - one didn't even need soap!

I love my Mormon Faith, and I love how Joseph Smith gave us the great Word of Wisdom with all kinds of helpful household hints.

In the sacred name of Mitt Romney.


Anonymous said...

Dear Brother Jensensen,

What a coincidence that your wife also calls out Fabio. Did you also, like I did, think that Fabio means 'fabulous' in Italian?

I cannot reveal my wife's name. It is as sacred to me as is her new name. Rather than reveal it I would suffer that my life be taken.

Kolobian™ said...

Oh Sister Smith, would to God that I could open the eyes of your understanding! Your words are as the sounding brass or tinkling symbols because you have the spirit of contention. Oh Sister Smith, hear the words of my mouth:

1. We CAN read fantasy like Harry Potter(my favorite book series).
Oh dear. You poor, misguided sister of Zion. Are the well-dressed minions of the great and spacious building so appealing to you that they’ve convinced you to led go of the rod of God and consume worldly propaganda promoting priestcrafts? Let us turn our attention to the holy scriptures, shall we? “Those who practice witchcraft will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:20-21) “Avoid every kind of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22) and most importantly, “The mischief of devil worship, sorcery, witchcraft, voodooism, casting spells, black magic, and all other forms of demonism should always be avoided.” (James E Faust, “The Forces That Will Save Us,” Liahona, Jan 2007, 2–7)
If someone in the church, especially in your own family, has encouraged you to go against the revealed word of the Lord on this subject I encourage you to report them to your bishop immediately.

2. We CAN drink coke, no general authority has ever advised agaisnt it in any way.

“We know that cola drinks contain the drug caffeine. We know caffeine is not wholesome nor prudent for the use of our bodies. It is only sound judgment to conclude that cola drinks and any others that contain caffeine or other harmful ingredients should not be used.” (H. Burke Peterson, “Q&A: Questions and Answers,” New Era, Oct. 1975, 36–37)

Yes, we CAN drink coke, just like we CAN go to casino and we CAN kick babies. But that doesn’t mean it’s something the Lord’s chosen people SHOULD do. Must you be compelled in ALL things, sister? If you require our Heavenly Father to spell out every single thing you shouldn’t do in print then you are “a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore you will receive no reward.” (D&C 58:26)

3. We are NOT racist against black people, in fact, one of my best friends is black AND a Mormon.
I agree that we as Latter-Day Saints are not racist against black people. We are, however, cognizant of the reason black skin exists in the first place and it’s definitely not the “theory” of evolution:

“Those who were less valiant in pre-existence and who thereby had certain spiritual restrictions imposed upon them during mortality are known to us as the negroes. >Such spirits are sent to earth through the lineage of Cain, the mark put upon him for his rebellion against God and his murder of Abel being a black skin.” – Mark E. Peterson

"Some, however, will argue that a black skin is not a curse, nor a white skin a blessing.In fact, some have been so foolish as to believe and say that a black skin is a blessing, and that the negro is the finest type of a perfect man that exists on the earth; but to us such teachings are foolishness.

We understand that when God made man in his own image and pronounced him very good, that he made him white. We have no record of any of God's favored servants being of a black race...every angel who ever brought a message of God's mercy to man was beautiful to look upon, clad in the purest white and with a countenance bright as the noonday sun." (Juvenile Instructor, Vol. 3, page 157, October 15, 1868)

"Not only was Cain called upon to suffer, but because of his wickedness he became the father of an inferior race."(Joseph Fielding Smith, The Way to Perfection, p. 101)

"I would not want you to believe that we bear any animosity toward the Negro. 'Darkies' are wonderful people, and they have their place in our church." (Joseph Fielding Smith, Look magazine, October 22, 1963, page 79)

Just remember that their “place” was not to hold the priesthood until 1978.

Kolobian™ said...

4. Women are ENCOURAGED to go to college if they want, and a man is NOT encouraged to stop her.

I agree 100%, but only if that college is BYU. What you’re failing to mention, however, is that our church discourages women from COMPLETING college because it’s a completely unnecessary venture for a sister in Zion since she will be at home with the kids anyway. A sister’s duty is to her children. A man’s duty is to provide for the spiritual, moral, and worldly needs of his family. This is the Lord’s way.

5. Not all romance novels are discouraged, just the graphic ones.

And what do you consider graphic, sister? Is the narration of a sexual encounter graphic? The spirit tells me it is. Can you provide a list of so-called romance novels that do not include detailed sexual encounters? Does it make a difference to you if the two involved in the sexual encounter are married? What if all video pornography was between only married people. Would it then be ok to watch it? Pray on that, sister. Maybe even fast about it, too.

6. If a man divorces his wife then he is NO LONGER sealed to her.

The President has already quoted you from the official Church Handbook of Instruction showing you that your naïve assumption is in error. I would only caution you not to take upon yourself the mantle of the President of the church in making decrees about what is or isn’t church policy. This is one reason females are not allowed to hold the priesthood.

7. Men in the church do NOT "put their wives on probation."

If the Spirit of the Lord inspires a worthy priesthood holder to do a thing, then his wife is required to obey him in all things (as long as they’ve been to the Holy Temple)

8. While Twilight fans are annoying, they aren't neccesarily sinning just by reading the books.

See my answer to question 1.

9. Mormons DO NOT wear their garments while they are married and having sex

You are a young child, probably the same age as Helen Mar Kimball, one of Joseph Smith’s favorite plural wives, so you have no experience with the garment of the holy priesthood. Suffice it to say, you shouldn’t be so quick to speak for other, more worthy members of the church when discussing procreating while wearing garments. This is a common practice and less valiant members look for any opportunity to take off the garment. I can’t speak to the sacred markings on the garments as they are sacred, but I can tell you that it is perfectly possible to have sex while keeping the garments on. This is not a coincidence.

10. Eve is NOT "responsible for all the evil in the world." If it weren't for her, none of us would have been born. So show her a little respect, O.K.?

It is possible for Eve to be responsible for the evil in the world AND for that to be a good thing. We have nothing but respect for the mother of all living, even if she was so easily duped by Lucifer in the Garden of Eden which is located in modern-day Jackson County, MO.

Kolobian™ said...

11. REAL Mormons don't go around bragging that we are "God's favorites." His only favorite is Jesus Christ. End of story.

Nothing could be further from the truth. I spent two years unabashedly proclaiming to the world that the Lord’s most noble and great ones were being gathered in these latter-days to greet the Lord at his second coming. Those closest to Heavenly Father are his favorites. Jesus is the closest, so He is the favorite favorite, or favorite of favorites if you will.

12. Mormons have NEVER said that we will have multiple wives in heaven, nor do I think we will. If they believe it then they are terribly misguided.

I urge you to send a letter to either Russell M Nelson or Dallin H Oakes of the Quorum of the 12 apostles. They are both currently sealed to two wives. They can easily clear this up for you.

13. @ "Thomas S. Monson": Please do not falsely claim to be my beloved prophet. Also thank you for your horrible spelling and ridiculous ideas for that matter.

I believe the person you are referring to is Thomas S. Manson, and although he may not be the President of the Corporation for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, that doesn’t mean he isn’t filled with the spirit of prophecy. If, however, he says anything that is contrary to reason or the words of other contemporary leaders of the church you can be sure that he is only “speaking as a man.” We are only imperfect people trying to become perfect.

-14. And for all you foolish people acting as members of my church, I feel sorry for you.

This is just silly. As missionaries we encouraged everyone to act as if they were already members of the church. This is one way to plant the seed of faith that Alma preached about. Living the gospel principles as if they were already members is the surest way of coming to the waters of baptism. “A testimony is found in the bearing of it.” – Boyd K. Packer

I bear you my solemn testimony that President Paternoster is as much a Stake President as Jesus is the Christ. I say these things in the sacred name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Anonymous said...

I just have to say to Kolobian, you are my hero.

Parley P Pratt said...

Parley P. Pratt presents himself to provide his pronouncements on the principles and precepts preached by Kolobian to the prideful and prissy prude pretender C.Smith.

Kolobian has proven through his provident and praiseworthy post that indeed he is a prophet, a prelate, a prime priest in the patriarchate - Pray Kolobian, does your present palace perch within the perimeter of Provo? If not, I propose that you prayerfully ponder proceeding to position yourself there in a professorship.

Verle Jensensen said...

Brother Anonymous,
Fabulous indeed... that has never occurred to me even though I'm thought of as highly intelligent. This name thing gets so confusing. I only ask your wife's name because my wife isn't home occaisionally very late at night -- well, quite a few nights in the past 26 or so years, and I was wondering if


x1134x said...

LMFAO at all you idiots. Twilight was written BY A MORMON! It is anything BUT pornography.