Monday, November 21, 2011

How Satan Indoctrinates Children; a Warning!

Brothers and Sisters today’s post will be a little bit different than usual due to an urgent situation that has come up.  It has come to my attention that there is a growing trend in the Ex-Mormon community of parents making and more importantly getting their children to make statements against the Church that go something like this:
“I know that the Church is not true, that the Book of Mormon is made up and that Joseph Smith was not a prophet and neither is Tom Monson.”

This pains me to the very core and is absolutely ludicrous.  How on earth can little children who are sometimes as young as four or five know these things?  No one can know that the Church is false and getting children to say they know things that they can’t possibly know is nothing short of teaching them to lie. 

As a stake president I am both appalled and disgusted at this new development and fear that as more and more former members catch on to this trend they will start to organize themselves and have meetings where everyone will be encouraged to state that they too know without any doubt that the Church is not true and that Joseph Smith wasn’t a prophet.  No doubt some in attendance will not feel comfortable saying these things but with time, persuasive encouragement and as they witness those who comply receiving praise and popularity they too may succumb.

Satan is a master of human psychology and knows that if groups of people get together and tirelessly repeat an idea it will begin to be taken as truth.  He knows that repetition is an integral part of indoctrination and that this practice, if allowed to continue, will negatively affect the souls of the innocent.  Why anyone would manipulate or as the Saviour would say offend little ones in this manner is beyond me.

A person in attendance at one of these meetings told me of a young boy just 5 or 6 years old who got up in front of a group of his peers and said “I love my Mum and Dad.  I love my brothers and sisters some of the time.  I know that God answers my prayers as I got the exact toy car for Christmas that I told my Dad I wanted and I know that the Book of Mormon is not true and Tom Monson isn’t a prophet, amen.”

What most shocked this observer, who has never been a member of any church before, was that all present in the room then repeated aloud the word "amen" signifying that they agreed with his horrific statement.  When wee Timmy got back to his seat his mother gave him a big hug and said she was very proud of him.  Timmy seemed delighted with the praise and attention he was given.

To faithful members wherever you may be I plead with you that if you hear of anyone encouraging their children to make repeated statements like this please do all within your power to discourage it.  These children haven't even read the Book of Mormon yet but are being encouraged to make negative statements with regards to both its veracity and authenticity.  Please invite these families back to church that they may feel once again of the spirit. If your invitation and calls to repentance are rejected don’t be afraid to call Children’s Services to have them investigate.  Children can’t possibly know that the Church is false and getting them to make such statements is nothing short of child manipulation and will only anger the Lord and bring about his judgments and wrath; for it is better that a millstone were hanged about your neck, and you were cast into the sea, than that you should offend one of these little ones.

With grave concern,

President Paternoster   


Emma Snyde said...

What a terrible turn of events!

Sadly, I too have heard of these so called "meetings." I have even been told that parents will even accompany their small children up front and whisper into their ears what they should say, and the children repeat the vicious lies after them in sweet innocent voices. It reminds me of a ventriliquist's act. So, horrible!

There is no way that children at such a young age can "know" that the church is not true. Not even their parents "know" that the church is not true. NO ONE can PROVE or KNOW that the church is NOT TRUE. Children can't make such a huge decision to follow Satan when many still believe in Santa Claus.

These types of "meetings" with their repetition and indoctrination of all involved should be stopped at once. There should be laws against this type of thing.

Molly Smith said...

Once again President, you never fail. What a blessing it is to have you at the spiritual helm to guide our Stake. I was just pondering this very dilemma at a recent Fast and Testimony meeting when I became confused, but I immediately knew it was Satan's tactics to deceive and so I put those confused thoughts and questions I had on the shelf to get dusty.

I've said this before, but please consider me as a plural wife when polygamy is reinstated. I am already married, but that was good enough for Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, so I am sure it is good enough for you. I'm sure my husband, Peter P. Smith, won't mind sharing me with such a righteous Priesthood leader as yourself.

Kolobian™ said...

The truth cutteth to the very center, doesn't it President? I'm so very grateful to Heavenly Father that He has inspired you to bring up such an important topic. Surely the Spirit of the Lord is with you!

If only these bitter apostate parents would realize that the only thing a small child of 5 or 6 can possibly "know" without the shadow of a doubt is that the church IS true and that Joseph Smith IS a prophet of God and so is Thomas S. Monson.

Teaching a child to repeat an empty testimony that they know the church is false is of the devil. Encouraging children to share their God-given testimony that the church is true is of the Lord.

How can they not see this? It's so clear!

In the name of Jesus the Christ. Amen.

Anonymous said...

I believe this evil practice of mindless repetition, grandstanding, and bearing false testimony in public is also referred to as "lying for the Lord of darkness".

Why do people who HOPE that their bizarre beliefs are true, state publicily that they KNOW that their bizarre beliefs are true? ! That seems very dishonest...trying to convince themselves

Obviously, just because people feel warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't mean that their statements and public declarations against our Prophet (Praise to the Man) and the living Prophets (may they prosper at City Creek Mall) is true.

I am willing to bet that these denialist idiots have ignored all the evidence which conclusively disproves their wacky beliefs against our dear Prophet (may he rest in peace - Praise to the Man).

I hereby wipe the dust off my feet of these bitter apostates. Shame on them for being greedy, dishonest, making false claims, assuming false authority, pretending to have knowledge but lying to themselves and all the world. SHAME!

Insana D said...

Like a rough stone rolling the truth of the everlasting Gospel will roll forth until it covers the earth,like a cloth of moss, or a coating of mold, or a layer of scum. Either way, it will go forth.

The Testimony Glove is a really useful tool for teaching children that the church is in fact true.

The Glove teaches the following: 1. Jesus is the Christ
2. Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God
3. Christ's church has been restored
4. The Book of Mormon is true
5. There is a living prophet today

But some horrible negative nelly then tried to de-bunk these plain and precious truths with this argument:

"Thankyou David. Can you back up any of the five claims with anything more than faith? What if I claimed:
1. A Teapot in space redeems our souls
2. David Kouresh was a Prophet of God
3. The church of the FSM has been restored
4. The Book of Bertrand Russel is true
5. There is a living pink unicorn today

Would you require me to back up any of those claims or just accept them on faith? What makes your faith more valid than mine? Are my claims outrageous and yours sensible? Why, or why not?
If critical thinking skills were taught to children instead of manipulative indoctrination of illusions and outright lies then we probably wouldn't be making a big deal of this glove. The glove is not the issue.

If I were to take your children and reward them for believing my list would you consider it a shameful practice? What if I turned them against you if you told them I was wrong? Would you retain your love for your own children if they didn't parrot back the things you told them to believe? Would your church shun and ostracize them if they doubted any of those five claims?

What are the consequences for children if they don't go along? How about adults? Does reciting these things constitute belief, or just an ability to recite? If they say them and commit to them without having a true understanding of the many nuances of one persons "truth" over another's, does that make them true believers?

When they find out that many parts of the Book of Mormon are not true, in fact are completely made up and inconsistent, will they lose trust in their adult teachers?

When they find out that the living prophets often just speak as fallible men, will they lose trust in the words of these prophets?

When they learn to process the numerous conflicting tales of Joseph smith and his uncomfortable history, will they resent being taught that he was supposed to represent God but did very unsavory and deceptive things throughout his life?

What will the families do or say to those children if they someday doubt the need for a personal savior and even the existence of Christ? Will you shut them from your home, cut them off, and send them far from where they could influence other children? Will you defame their character and place in the family?

Perhaps these questions should be investigated fully before power holding adults impose these BELIEFS on young vulnerable children. They trust you. They need your support and love. Most children will do whatever they're told to receive love, affection, food, and shelter and a place in the family. Extorting a false testimony from them when they are barely old enough to speak in full sentences smacks of cultish indoctrination and abuse. I hope you won't be one of those kind of parents."

It's clear to me that the person who wrote this stuff does not live the true and living gospel and probably smokes, drinks, and masturbates. People that use logic and reason and critical thinking skills have lost their precious connection to our Heavenly Father and don't deserve to be saved in the last days.

Molly Moorman said...

Totally disgusting stuff you shared with us today, President Paternoster.

But unfortunately, Satan sits there like a wolf, ready to rob our lost little lambs at the first opportunity and carry them off to outer darkness.

Why, just last week I heard in one of these "Meetings" a group of Young Men singing this absolutely heathen song:

Somehow they called me on a Mission
Because I'd grown a foot or two,
I guess they thought that I was ready
To teach and preach and work like Missionaries do.

I went abroad to teach the Gospel
And take some pictures of the view.
When I get home I will be ready
To show my slides all night like Missionaries do.

A special spirit's waiting for me
For two long years she will be true,
But you can bet her heart will wander
She'll drop you like a rock like girlfriends always do.

I hope that you all go on Missions
And lose a patch of hair or two.
I guess by then we will be ready
To steal your girl like Return Missionaries do.

What perversion of the sacred songs of the Primary!

Whatever can we do to stop this, President? There must be something we can do!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear. I hope I never run into a group like this! My own kids are teenagers and tweeners, but even Satan can still get them big time! GASP!

Jesus Smith said...

I once asked an exmormon about this need to stop a child from getting baptized. He said: "We don't ask a young child to make a final decision about which political party they should join, or which college to attend, or who to marry for life, or where to live as an adult, what career to work in, and so forth. So why should they be asked to decide their life-long religion at eight?"

As much as members would not want a child brainwashed by negativity, they know that they are justified to push the child into baptism at eight because it was given in revelation through Joseph Smith:

D&C 68:25
" inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents."

The parents do not want the responsibility and wrath of God. They feel the church is wise to push this all important decision on the children at eight, before they can learn other, worldly knowledge and decide differently for themselves. This is how God and the Church operate. Through subtle persuasion about sin and judgment.

Jesus Smith said...

Also, once I was asked by an exmormon: What would have happened if Joseph Smith's parents had been adamant about following the same commandment of doctrination and baptism by eight? That Joseph had been required to join Methodism or another church before he was old enough to ask that question about which church is true. If that had happen, my exmormon friend asked, would there have been a first vision and a question about which church to join?

It's a good thing that Joseph Smith was not required to follow the path that is now in place for eight year olds.

Dad's Primal Scream said...

This is a wonderful description of the very thing I'm going through right now with my children. I just discovered that my 14 year old son has one of those profiles on relating how he knows the church is true and other things he couldn't possibly understand or "know" or have experienced at his age.

Daniel J. McConky said...

Insana D, Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! You've shared in your short, brief, concise post the essential truths of which we should all be eternally vigilant!

It's so important that we prove to them the eternal lies that can ensnare them forever when they attempt to define in logical terms the TRUTH that is The One True Church.

I grieve for the souls of these poor little innocents who are being forced to say that they KNOW this work is NOT TRUE. How can any man KNOW that this is NOT TRUE? It's quite simply an impossibility!!!

Would Joseph Smith have led his children astray? Have invented the Book of Mormon out of whole cloth? Have taken 40 wives - including some as young as 14 years of age? Have been convicted of gold digging? Have told of the men on the moon that dress in the Quaker Style in blessings? Have invented the Temple by fully plagiarizing the rites of Freemasonry?

Perish the Thought!

The only people who peddle this garbage around are the true agents of Satan - homosexuals, unrepentant dark-skinned peoples, militant evangelicals, cigarette smokers, coffee and tea addicts, and those who eat meat while there is not a famine going on somewhere in the world.

Praise the One True Church, President Paternoster, that you're here to put our shoulders to the wheel and helping our children Choose the Right, even in these latter-days. We must hold fast to that rod of iron if we are ever to taste of the delicious fruit of the tree of life.

Of these things I testify in the Holy Name of Marriott Corporation. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Is this a joke? Are you serious... How do you guys not see that the church indoctrinates little children on the flip side? How many of you have taken your 3 year old up to the pulpit in testimony meeting and whispered in their ear: "I know the church is true, I know Pres. Monson is a prophet..." etc etc. Doesn't indoctrination work both ways? HOW ON EARTH would a 3 year old KNOW if the church is true? What does true even mean? And how do you know if it's even true...were you actually there when it all happened? When the church was "organized" to make an informed decision? Hate to burst your bubble guys...but that warm fuzzy feeling you get that supposedly tells you "truth" is nothing more then confirmation bias. Wikepedia....educate yourselves, before passing judgement on others.

Spencer said...

I am shocked and appalled that someone in today's age would shamelessly exploit psychological loopholes as you mentioned in order to get kids to believe what you think they should.

Simply refer them to Evergreen or BYU's Office of Electrotesticular Activities and you will find much faster cures for aberrant behavior without all of the mind-numbing repetition.

Cindy said...

You have to understand that Satan mimics the ways of the Lord in order to get people to follow him instead. It can be very confusing. The method of teaching children young is not what is wrong it's what they are taught that you need to be concerned about. Let's compare a child born to be thief and taught to be a thief from a very early age to a child born to someone who does charity work and is taught at a young age to give and serve. Both are using a positive method of teaching but one is using it for evil and one is using it for good. When children are taught in our church to love and serve and respect Jesus and his leaders it is a positive thing but when a child is taught to hate, avoid and disrespect the leaders of Christ it becomes a negative thing. If an ex-mormon wished to teach their children what they do believe in that would be their right but to teach their children to reject someone else's beliefs is just wrong.

Parley P Pratt said...

Proscribed Poster - President Paternoster has, in his present pulpit preaching, peacefully pressed the point that pretenders to the persuasion have prodded their progeny to pull away perturbed from the parables and professions of this pious and prayerful people.

Pending a plenary probe into this proceeding, I must project that your pursuit is for purposes prejudicial to the pure preaching of the pronouncements from Paradise.

Position thy Personhood at my Posterior, O Prince of the Pitch Black!

Persevere, Pure and Patient President Paternoster!

Kolobian™ said...


It's not the same thing at all. Children are born with the light of Christ and therefore have a sure knowledge that the church is indeed true.

When we whisper words into a child's ear to repeat into the microphone we're not indoctrinating them, we're simply assisting them in articulating that which they already know is true in their hearts.

Now, if we were to whisper in their ear that the church is NOT true, then THAT would be indoctrination, or brainwashing if you will.

Those with eyes to see and ears to ear can discern the difference.

In the name of Jesus the Christ. Amen.

Anonymous said...

There is a big difference between parents brainwashing their children by forcing these tender spirits to state they know the church is NOT true, and lovingly guiding them to the truth and light of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ by whispering truths they should repeat in fast and testimony meeting. What parent would not impart their sure knowledge, gained by fasting, prayer and the witness of the Holy Ghost, to their children? Not to do so would be akin to child abuse!

Oh the cunning plan of the wicked one! Oh the vainness and foolishness of men. When they are learned they think they are wise. But no, these apostates who force their children to testify of things they cannot know will surely be counted as sons of perdition and banished to outer darkness for eternity.

By the way President, can we the righteous, when we receive our celestial glory visit those in outer darkness and relish seeing their eternal anguish?

Our precious little ones are not far removed from the pre-existence where they dwelt with our Lord and Redeemer, even Jesus Christ. And as such when we whisper truths into their tender ears, their spirits tingle with recognition of these truths. Yea, our little ones were even blessed to be in the presence of Joseph Smith, the man who did (as he taught us) what Jesus couldn’t do: keep a church together. Read his words: “Come on! ye prosecutors! ye false swearers! All hell, boil over! Ye burning mountains, roll down your lava! for I will come out on the top at last. I have more to boast of than ever any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul, John, Peter, nor Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I. The followers of Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day Saints never ran away from me yet.”

Oh my bosom doth burn with the spirit of truth as I read his words! My testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith (may he guard the gates of heaven forever, asking for signs and tokens) is doubly, nay, triply strengthened. Of this I testify in the name of all that is holey, amen.

LaNephi Morgood

Sariah said...

I don't get why people feel the need to put down others beliefs. I don't even like it when it's done in other areas like politics. Why can't we live in a world where we respect each other and differing opinions. So you don't want to be a member of the church anymore, fine that's your right but why do you have to deny your children the right to have the church in their lives? This post just makes me mad. I can't believe ex-mormons do this. I am so glad my children do not associate with anyone who has left the church!

Anonymous said...


I applaud your efforts to teach your children to be accepting of other's beliefs by ensuring your children do not associate with anyone who has left the church. Those apostates left because they either wanted to sin, were too lazy to live by gospel principles, or were offended by some insignificant slight. We definitely don't want our children to associate with such people or their offspring.

Boyd Kenneth Parker said...

Verily, verily I say unto you, Sariah and Anonymous, that as I pronounce my many blessings upon the multitudes at weddings and second anointings, that indeed the most common reason for people leaving the One True Church is their deep seated desire to sin.

It truly is a sin most often related to abuse of the holy power to procreate. These unhappy, lost sons of perdition take the little factory that they were given at birth and they choose to go contrary to the teaching of Heavenly Father and the Lord's anointed. Many of them have fallen prey to the bonds of pornography as discussed last week, or they have engaged in deviance of a sexual nature, such as performing the holy act of procreation completely devoid of the Holy Garment of the Temple - or even something much much more dastardly - such as mutual pleasuring of the sacred parts with the hands or the tongue.

Were I able to get up from my seat, I'd stand and rebuke The Adversary and his unceasing attempts to steal our innocent lambs from us via the sins of unholy and apostate parents. As it stands, I'll just have to speak in a loud, gruff voice.

Of This I Testify in the Holy Name of Organ Preludes that Only Consist of Hymn Tunes.


Bring'em Young said...

I love the testimonies of our sweet children. They know these things as the veil is so thin. I remember as a young tike remembering Jesus' face and giving the patriarchal grip to Brother Joseph before departing to mortality and the confines of my mothers uterus. Until I was 8-10 years old I could remember him saying "You are a choice son." No doubt, it was brother Joseph. I was born as a crack baby.

Anonymous said...

A most interesting glimpse of how the power of fear and guilt can be persuasive. You're as slick as Joe Smith was when he discovered the power of his charm masqueraded by inventing a religion to acquire personal gain. A man in your position as a "Stake President" knows about the power of influence -- you're riding high with it when you start spreading fear and lies to your stake members.

Sadly, most of the members in your stake will take it hook, line, and sinker. This is another classic example of fearmongering at its finest.

Do yourself a favor and start investigating the hard evidence against the magical stories you belive in - particularly, the ones about Joe Smith sticking his head in a hat. You are as bad or worse as the cronies at the Lord's headquarters -- corrupt, twisted, and delusional.

Anonymous said...

If I may, I would like to offer a key in the spirit of D&C 129, which I have found useful in detecting false testimonies.

We know that God is not the author of confusion. A true testimony is unambiguous, not leaving the hearer in doubt about its meaning. Thus when President Thomas S. Monson is referred to as "Tom Monson", an appellation that could refer to any number of similarly named men, we may know that the words we are hearing are not of God.

Although this principle is not revealed doctrine, I have found it to be a sure guide in many situations like this one.

Joseph Wirthee said...


As a High Priest, I Rebuke Thee in The Name of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood!!

HOW DARE YOU come on here and tell lies about Brother Joseph sticking his head in a hat!

HOW DARE YOU call a Servant of the Lord, even President Paternoster "slick!"

HOW DARE YOU call the Laborers in the Lord's Headquarters "corrupt, twisted, delusional cronies!"

With a visual shake of the dust off my shoes, I command thee to Begone!!

Brother Heber said...

Their hearts have grown cankerous with the soars of apostasy. They desire to brain wash their young by telling them that which they should believe. That is a unpardonable sin before God. Do they not remember the covenants they made before God and witnesses in the Holy Temple?

There is not room for brainwashing in the church of the Lamb. We believe in free agency and that every man, women and child should decide for themselves if this church is true. We have beautiful, spiritual hymns that our children sing that enable them to connect with the spirit of God and know for themselves that the church is true.
May I close in with the words of one such touching hymn in hopes that some here will feel of the spirit, put down their swords of damnation and return to the Shepard, even Jesus Christ.

Follow the prophet, follow the prophet, follow the prophet he knows the way.

Anonymous said...

Can't the same be said on the other hand? Children at this age don't know if the church IS true as well. Your church as a whole do the same thing with young children, it's just the extreme opposite. So before you make such bold statements, you should realize that you all are nothing but judgmental hypocrites. And I KNOW THIS to be true.

Althea Clybourne said...

@Anonymous (4:33 PM) - Verily, I do see your point. As the parents were telling their little children to say that Tom Monson is NOT a Prophet of the Lord, are they also not saying that, indeed, Thomas S. Monson IS a Prophet of the Lord!

High On The Mountain Top
A Banner Is Unfurled!

The Morning Breaks, The Shadows Flee!

The Dawning Of A Brighter Day Majestic Rises On The World!!

From the Shadows of the Everlasting Hills, you have truly rained down a Sunbeam of Light upon a Zion Grey with the Storms of Modernity.

Praise to The Man Who Communed with Jehovah!

Anonymous said...

Have you ever considered writing for The Onion? This stuff is golden. I almost thought you were serious there for a minute.

Clem Cadiddlehopper said...

@Anonymous - What is The Onion? When I was just a young whippersnapper at Calvin Coolidge Elementary our 6th grade newspaper was called The Apple. Is this something like that?

As for the words spoken here, they are like unto pure gold, for they are the words of the Lord and of His Spirit, cleansing words that make the black coal even white as snow, yea though the fulness of their purity not shew thee aright now, it shall come to pass that indeed their white and delightsomeness be noted of and spoken throughout the land.

Yea, even plates of gold shall hold these sacred words locked from eternity but for the True Prophet Joseph Smith Jr.

Though things that are true are not necessarily useful, that I testify to you most certainly is of sturdy stock and strong lineage, of noble intent and worthiness of heart.

Verily these things are of the Lord and his anointed, through the laying on of hands and the power of the priesthood. Amen.

Brother Mobegone said...

Of course there is nothing wrong with parents teaching their little children to bear testimony. Did not an apostle of the Lord, even Boyd K. Packer, teach us that a testimony is to be found in the bearing of it? How then can we expect our little children to gain a testimony if they are not first given opportunity to bear it?

However, these apostate parents of whom the President speaks, are teaching their children only to tell lies. So it is of course a totally different situation.

As second counsellor in a bishopbric in Zion, I bear my witness that these things are true.

In the name of Him who, even with His Father appeared, even to the boy prophet, even Joseph Smith,


Troy said...

I hear that in these testimony meetings, that there are bears. President is this true?

Insana D said...

"Smile till you're happy" is one of the finest meme's given us by our good members in the Gospel.

As with "fake it till you make it" and "lying for the Lord" , all these skills are learned line upon line, precept upon precept until by small degrees even the crude and uncomely can become more white and delightsome.

There should be no question that teaching children from their infancy to fold their little chubby arms and bow their engorged heads in supplication to the Lord is the best way to help them infuse these habits into their daily habits.

By the time they're three years old they should not even need direction and will instantly fall into position at dinner prayer and family prayer. By this we condition them to not be able to think their way out of those habits. That's how we create devotion and obedience. This is God's plan.

Emma Snyde said...

Insana D,

What a wonderful post and great illustration of an eternal principle!

How lovely when children are taught to automatically respond to the Spirit of God and show Him reverence during prayers! How lovely when they repeat their sacred testimonies and come to know of the truth of God's one true church! How purely divine when these little ones are instilled with devotion and obedience.

In this way they will be able to know and decide for themselves that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints contains the fullness of truth and is the only true and living church on the face of the earth!

L. Boyd Grant said...

Preident, you are at the vanguard as always. I had no idea of such apostate groups brainwashing their children in this manner. Surely this comes from our Elder Brother's brother, even Lucifer. These ex-mormons are surely the antiChrist or even worse the antiJoseph. Yes, even General Joseph Smith, Junior; Prophet, Seer, Revelator, Translator, Mayor, Master Mason, Commander of the Nauvoo Legion and Annointed King of all the World.
These groups are a sign of the last days. How much longer until we shall march arm in arm to occupy
Missouri. The earth must atone for thej blood of that man.
L. Boyd Grant

Unknown said...

Oh President, your words are as the refiner's fire in my burning bosom, leaving a testimony that can only be quenched by hidden wedges of sin and depravity. Of course Joseph was THE prophet of these last days! I've often thought that if I could spend my last day on earth as he did my life would not have been in vain. Who wouldn't want to take off their garments, chug lots of wine, smoke a good pipe, put lead into a couple of heathens, and call out for help to the very people I betrayed and stole their secret ceremonies from? That is how a prophet should die! And just think of all of his grieving widows being denied of all that celestial sex. Oh, the humanity! Desiring righteousness for my children I will accompany them to the pulpit, and like the whisperings of the Holy Ghost, which they have not received yet, I will tell them the truth of all things that is a testimony. My children will know of a surety that the week long Disney cruise we took last summer was full of spiritual lessons for those close enough to the spirit that they may also have burning bosoms. And during Sunday dinner I will reinforce their testimony by telling all the family how proud I am of my young child. Nothing like the spiritual spotlight and praise to cement an everlasting knowledge of eternal truth. Let's see Lucifer undo that one! (of course I'm referring to the Old Testament Lucifer and not those times in the New Testament when 'Lucifer'--son of the morning--is referring to Christ)

I am so excited about testimony now that I might actually go to church this fast sunday. Let's see. I need to remember where the church is located. Oh yeah, half a block away. I am thrilled at the prospect of all of us true believers teaching our youth the truth of the true church as we share our burning bosoms with each other!

Marla Sczynwycz said...

Gallant and True Stake President, I applaud your awesome and inspired message this week - as a recent convert from Roman Catholicism with six children, two recently born twins and another one or more on the way I have a burning question for you only made more urgent by the turn of events from my review and confirmation of this week's and the previous week's messages.

You see, I breast feed my children, and all this burning in my bosoms from your messages has me wondering if it's still safe to feed my little ones or should I pump and store when my bosoms are not burning for times such as this, and hand the little ones over to Mr. Sczynwycz for feeding?

I trust your sage and holy advice, President!

Stake Pres. said...

Thank you all for your wonderful and insightful comments. I would love to respond to each and every one of you but as you are likely aware stake presidents are extremely busy. I have enjoyed watching the conversation unfold and know that many of you will do all in your power to stamp out the heinous practices that exist within the Ex-Mormon community.

Sister Smith I will be happy to accept you as one of my many plural wives in the hereafter if the Lord has ordained this to be, which according to the spirit that is within me is so.

Sister Sczynwycz feel free to continue to breast feed your child. The burning in your bosom that naturally occurs to faithful readers of my blog should only serve to make the milk sweeter and perhaps even more delicious to the taste.

Faithfully yours,

The President

Anonymous said...

Mind me asking if these are true rules for a Mormon Missionary?

Mahonri Kimball said...


I must say that I do not recall #141 "Be a frugal photographer." It has been some time though since I labored in the vineyard.

Overall, yes, these are the rules for God's true messengers as they spread the word of the restoration.

If a missionary does not have great success, it is unfailingly a consequence of his not following one or more of these rules. "I the Lord am bound when you do what I say, but when you do not what I say you have no promise"

Praise the Lord!

George B. Goodsoles said...

Pardon me for a moment, here, but is it not true we shouldn't refer to the mission field as a "vineyard." That would imply that we're growing grapes for making wine, a truly evil and addictive drink that we are prohibited from consuming according to the Word of Wisdom. Therefore I believe it's only fair that our metaphors should also be cleansed of such references, as they only serve to confuse, and just as President Paternoster's wonderful topic alludes to, they could lead people to Satan and the throes of outer darkness.

Holiness to the Lord.

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

kevin said...

It's so true. The devil is all around you.

Anonymous said...

too bad the church is not true. you can get little kids to parrot testimonies, but as a former high councilor to a corrupt stake president, like you, i know it is all false. the church has covered up josephs peophilic 33 wives, the book of abraham fraud, false lamanite claims, disproven by DNA, too many BOM inconsistencies, no smelting sights in america, no horses, no barley, no pre columbus grains, etc. Mormonism is and always been a sham. I donated 400 thousand dollars to the kingdom, wasted a life, gave it my life and 6 children/ minions. do the research yourself, open your mind and find out that president pudwacker here is lying to you shamelessly and blindly.

Kolobian™ said...

Oh, Brother Anonymous. How could you allow your pride to be offended by an imperfect member of the church resulting in your choice to apostatize from the Lord's one true mormon church? Or is it that you have chosen a life of sin? Either way, our Heavenly Father has not given up on you. It's a shame you've given up on Him.

Brother Joseph may well have had many wives, but there is no evidence that he had sexual intercourse with them.

The Book of Abraham is not a fraud. It is the translation of ancient papyri written by the very hand of Abraham himself! I know this for a fact because the Spirit tells me so!

The lamanites may make false claims but what does that have to do with the church? They're lamanites. They have a history of making false claims. That's their M.O.

The Lord has seen fit in his infinite wisdom to test our faith in the things you mentioned. When and if He chooses he will reveal the scientific understanding to our leading biologists that will reveal the semitic origins of the Native Americans. If we had evidence we would need no faith!

I bear you my humble, yet firm testimony that your $400,000 was not wasted because whatever the prophet chooses to do with it is exactly what Jesus himself would do. Are you smarter than God?

A. Schultz said...

So let me get this straight? You accuse ex Mormons of the very thing that you as Mormons do?

Truly hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Perhaps if you repented and came to the truth you would realize Satan stands among you. Oddly enough this article reveals you do not recognize the wickedness you accuse others of.

Wake up Mormons. Your prophets are liars. Your presidents are liars. Your time is running out!!!

Stake Pres. said...

A. Schultz how exactly is this an example of hypocrisy? I find your accusation to be very judgemental. I would invite you to have a prayer and then re-read the post in order to see the point I am trying to make.

Lance said...

Very hypocritical. Do you TRULY believe these young boys and girls giving their testimonies at church aren't indoctrinated? I've seen it so many times it makes me cringe ... how can you expect these kids to swear JS is true, the church is true, etc etc etc.

It's frightening how indoctrinated you are sir. And you're a stake president ... you're supposed to be respected, educated, and someone to rely on.