Sunday, November 4, 2012

President Paternoster Speaks to the Sister Missionaries

Last week I was visiting Utah to meet with and provide direction to the public relations department of the Church in preparation for the possibility of Mitt Romney becoming President of the United States and the influx of new members this will cause.  I was absolutely delighted when Elder Nelson explained that an opening had come up and that he would be honoured if I were to address the sisters at the MTC. 
Below is an excerpt of my address (for the full address I understand that some of the sisters may be uploading my talk to YouTube):
Thank you Elder Nelson for that long and wonderful introduction.  Surely the spirit of the Lord is pleased when at such events we highlight each other’s academic and business achievements.  While the early apostles were nothing but fishermen and young Joseph was a poor farmer we the modern day leaders of the Lord’s kingdom, yea, we who will be present to usher in the millennial reign of our Lord and Saviour, rarely miss an opportunity to let the members know just how highly educated, successful and humble we are.  This is most pleasing unto our father in heaven.
Elder Nelson I am glad that you and the rest of The Twelve have also noticed the strong correlation between my blog posts and Church attendance.  I trust in the Lord that this trend will continue. While those who oppose this work may gain small victories (such as getting me banned from Facebook) my blog is still alive and well and is influencing many to come unto Christ and be saved. 
My dear sister missionaries, it is wonderful to be amongst you today.    
My thoughts and counsel today will be based on a wonderful article found at that was specifically written for you.
As I look upon you today I feel impressed to discuss the important and delicate issue of physical appearance.  As representatives of the Lord you must always look your best, for the Holy Ghost works at its greatest strength through a person who is in all things pure and clean. 
As you work alongside the elders please carefully consider their feelings.  The article brings up an important issue that should concern you each and every day of your mission.  It points out that “Elders’ most frequent complaints are about sisters’ hair .“  Please follow the counsel to “Have a neat and easy style—not too short or it will look like the elders’, and long enough so that it can be curled on Sundays.”
Be sure to “Sleep on a satin pillowcase” to preserve not only your hair style but also your divine femininity.
In my Stake I labour constantly to get the sisters to wear make-up when they are out in public.  The article on confirms this requirement for sister missionaries.  I have observed that some in this very room could use a little more.  Please seek out and follow the counsel of your wise and loving district leader in this matter. 
Remember always that as sisters you have pledged to “honor and support the priesthood authority over you (even though this authority be administered by an elder who is younger and less experienced). This is an important lesson to learn, for the line of authority is an eternal principle of the gospel and of the home.”
Sisters, always make sure that you are on a diet.  No elder wants to have to work with sisters who are overweight.  The article counsels that sisters should exercise and warns that at dinner appointments they should “take small helpings, no seconds, and cut down the next day”. 
A word of caution is given to, “Never, never eat late at night! When you come home late after a discussion and you have not had time for dinner, eat a little salad or fruit and then go straight to bed and think how much skinnier you will be by not eating a large meal until morning.”
The article confirms what I have been saying to Sister Paternoster for years in our weekly Personal Priesthood Interviews that, “If you are one pound overweight, it is too much. Take it off”
One suggestion that I hope you will all implement in your various missions is that of having a “BNTE Week (Be Nice to Elders Week) where you either cook something good or do something nice for the elders in your district. If you do this, remember that this week especially you must work like a whirlwind so no one can say that you borrowed the Lord’s time. Make it a top week in service and in work also.”
Something that sisters often forget is that rather than going shopping they should “Always participate with the elders on preparation day. If it is something you cannot do (for example if the elders are playing soccer or cricket), then at least be there to watch or cheer. This does wonders for mutual respect between elders and sisters.” Honestly I can’t think of a better activity for Sisters on P-day than watching and cheering the elders on as they play sports.  You may consider going the extra mile by supplying the food and cleaning up after them too. 
Now as a word of warning; As Brethren we understand that Sisters often like to get worked up and depressed about things.  When you get depressed, as I’m sure you will, set aside a little time that day to do something that raises your spirits. The article gives a great suggestion of “spending extra time on your hair and then praying earnestly for help from the Lord.”  
Sisters I know that as you do these things, you will find emerging within yourself a strength that will help you bear up under many hardships. You will gain an insight into the gospel that will bring peace to your heart.  And as the article confirms “you will have an aura of femininity and a serenity about you that no time spent before the mirror could ever produce”.  All this because you will be acquiring qualities that will help you to fulfill your mission in this life as well as in the eternities.
May the Lord bless you as you embark on your missions, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


Anonymous said...

I see that the Holy Spirit guided you not to mention in your address to the sisters the inspirational tip also included in the New Era article: "Do not ever slap or poke an elder."

On a related note, I seem to remember my Little White Bible prohibiting Elders from poking the Sisters (except within the bonds of a new and everlasting covenant).

As always, your advice is bold and timely.

Anonymous said...


This is NOT a website sanctioned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Further, "President Paternoster" is not an actual stake president within the Church.

Rather, the content of this site varies from farce to pointed criticism [which is, at times, painfully accurate].

Many, but not necessarily all, of the posts are written in mockery of those who are sincerely striving, albeit imperfectly, to follow Jesus.

Caveat utilitor.

Utahhiker801 said...

President Paternoster,

You were in Utah, and I missed your visit? I so wanted to meet you in person. I've been saving my tithing for when I finally see you (my local leader is not nearly as spiritual as you).

Learning this is making me feel very depressed. Although I'm a guy, I think I'll try "spending extra time on my hair" followed by earnest prayer to raise my spirits.

Please, please, please, when you come back to Utah - as we all know you will - let me know. I'll take you and Sister Paternoster out to dinner at the Chuck-o-Rama. I look forward to the opportunity to offer service to you and feel the influence of your spirituality.

Very truly yours.

Emma the Younger said...

Sometimes I wonder if President P is going off script and making up his quotes and references, but then I follow the links to his sources and realize I should never have doubted him. I mean, talk about a person who isn't afraid to champion an opinion that could get him lampooned as backwards, sexist, or uptight. President Paternoster stands up for what he knows is right! I'm only sorry I never served as a sister missionary, because I truly love the elders and would have thrown my heart and soul into appreciating them. I would have appreciated their brains out every chance I long as they found my appearance pleasing. I do try so hard.

Anonymous said...

Gedeon Anonimo,no seas tan pesado.Deja que la gente conozca la verdad de todas las cosas.Este SI es un sitio web de la iglesia SUD. Las misioneras tienen mucho trabajo maquillandose todos los dias para estár muyyyyyyyyyy guapas.

Anonymous said...

LOL! I don't know who is reading this religiously (pun intended), but this is NOT an accurate description of the LDS (or Mormon, as some call it) Church. This is a joke by someone who either loves to tell ridiculous jokes, or is hurt in some way and wants to hurt others while they're at it. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I'm very happy to tell you that not a scrap of this is true. If you're interested in learning the truth about our religion, visit the official site: Any question regarding our beliefs can be found there. A quick search will show you that this guy isn't a leader in any shape or form in our church.

Anonymous said...

This is a riot, however untrue in every sense of the word...

Anonymous said...

Obviously this is satire, but the links are correct.

mahonri kimball said...

Untrue? Satire? Not True? Joke?

Where do you guys get off dissing the one true Church on the face of the Earth? Someday you will be called to account for your criticism. If you are members of the Church, you know that Church magazines are like scripture to us. That is the way the Lord communicates to us through the inspired leaders of the Church.

Whether you personally agree with Church teachings from the 1972 New Era, does not change their truthfulness or their application to our day.

Think about it... If scriptures written hundreds or thousands of years ago apply to our day, how do you think that teachings of the Lord from 40 years ago are out of date?

Do not mock the Lords prophets or their inspired guidance. Truth is truth and does not change.

Anonymous said...

The article he provided is from confused

Anonymous said...

President, do you not think your wise reminders are also applicable to those of us who began to have babies within the bonds of marriage before we were old enough to serve a mission? I, for one have been remiss in reading issues of the Ensign that were written before I was old enough to read.

I know that my tender age at the time is no excuse for not availing myself of the sacred teachings therein. I sincerely hope you will not chastise me too fearfully if I promise to repent. The first thing I will do is to take some of my family food budget and purchase a satin pillowcase. I did not know it was so vital to my divine femininity.

Stephanie Porter said...

I'm really confused. This looks like anti-mormon stuff, but I looked at the links in this article, and they do go to the website hosted by the church.

I can't tell who is lying and who is telling the truth here. After reading through all of this I'm feeling hurt and lost.

Stake Pres. said...

Thank you for all your wonderful comments. I love hearing from each and every one of you.

Stephanie, putting this blog post aside for a minute what did you think of the article on that I linked to?

J.R.Fortescue-Holmes (Lt Col ret'rd). said...

Could I be so bold as to point out to you, President, that your title 'Stake Presidents Blog' does require an apostrophe before the s in Presidents. (I assume there are not more than one of you, in which case, of course an apostrophe would be required after the s. In all otner respects I note that you use the superior version of the English language, for which I congratulate you President.

Anonymous said...

A little off topic, but I thought you would like to know that it seems you have inspired one of the relief society sisters in your Stake to start blogging.

You may need to council her to start clearing her post with you first. Seems a lot of people have a hard time recognizing her devotion, and seem to think she has ulterior motives, which of course is untruthful. She may need a special blessing from her Stake Pres to help her deal with all those doubting Thomas's.

A lowly sister in TOTC said...

Oh, President. Thank you for posting this wonderful article. As a lowly sister in the one true church I so appreciate having your special guidance and counsel in these troubled times, yea, even these latter-days (as evidenced by my country failing to elect as President a man who is clearly chosen of God to save our venerable nation from falling into the socialist pit other countries, not pointing fingers, are wallowing in).

But the purposes of God shall be accomplished in spite of the voice of the people choosing wickedness (there was much weeping and wailing, yea, even gnashing of teeth on my fb newsfeed the day after the election. In fact, many see it as the beginning of the 2nd coming and are gathering up food storage and 2 of every animal or something like that).

But I really am so grateful for your advice (most of which I'm already following) because I know the Lord has prepared a righteous priesthood holder to be a king and priest unto me in these last, troubling days, and how will he recognize my shining, inner beauty if it is not equally matched by a shiny, beautiful exterior. May the Lord bless and keep you, President.

anonymous sister missionary said...

Is this a joke?

Anonymous said...

LDS article from '72?


Anonymous said...

anonimo misionero hermana: ¡No te preocupes,nada es broma;la iglesia es verdadera porque me lo dice mi obispo, y me dice que todo es verdadero.. mientras page diezmos.

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing.

family international children of god said...

I enjoy reading your post and it gave me some ideas. Thanks!

Tim said...

The article URL has changed.

As true today as when it was written.

Unknown said...

As a reformed Deacon of The One True Church, I am a bit concerned, Steak President, as to why you left out any mention of the main purpose of women on Earth:
To breed and produce as many Church Members as possible, in order to usher in the Reign of Jeezus!

Please answer...

Strawman Smith

Blogger said...

Sports betting system makes +$3,624 profit last week...

Z-Code System winning picks and predictions for NFL, NBA, MLB and NHL!!!

Video Teraveloka said...

One and Only adalah kalimat yang tepat untuk menggambarkan fasilitas mewah S1288 POKER dengan Bank Poker 24 Jam Online. Pasalnya hanya di S128Poker kamu akan merasakan sensasi bermain judi online tanpa bank offline. Disaat agen lain tidak dapat proseskan dana deposit kamu, tapi disini malah (Baca Selengkapnya...)