Monday, February 13, 2012

A New Convert's Testimony

I apologize as I haven’t had time to write a blog post lately.  Last week I was privileged to hear a testimony given by a single 27 year old named Michael Tozer.  Since he had written his testimony on paper I asked for a copy and Brother Tozer agreed to have it posted on this blog.  I hope you will be as moved as I was by his sincerity and commitment to the Lord:

“Brothers and Sisters when the Sister missionaries found me one year ago today I was a very different person than I am today.  The Church has changed me so much and I am deeply grateful for the additional knowledge that the restored gospel has given me. 

One area in which the Church has helped me is in time management.  I used to waste away my evenings with friends playing a round of golf or enjoying a game of tennis.  Now I study the scriptures, do my home teaching, attend Church meetings or go on splits with the Elders.  My friends have pretty much abandoned me.

In addition to this I used to spend Sundays swimming and relaxing at the beach or doing some other meaningless activity but now I spend my time more wisely attending the three hour block and keeping the Sabbath day holy.  

The Church has also helped me from a health perspective too. The first time the sisters visited me I was eating a salad and drinking green tea.  Each time they came I would offer them a cup of green tea and they would politely decline but would always accept a fizzy drink (that they called pop).  One evening I had a bottle of red wine open for when they arrived but was quite taken back that they wouldn’t enjoy a glass with me but instead drank pop.  When they taught me that only those who obey the Lords law of health could enter the most holy places on earth, even the temples, it all started to make sense.  I determined from that day forth to follow their example and now whenever I feel a desire for green tea or a glass of red wine I think of the Saviour dying on the cross for me and partake of pop instead.  I have put on quite a lot of weight over the past year but the opportunity to go to the temple is one that I do not intend to miss out on.

I realize now that the beautiful women of the world that I used to date were probably just using me to satisfy their own carnal desires and cravings.  I am now saving myself for my one eternal companion with whom I can be sealed for time and all eternity.     

Quite recently I had an experience in which I was in a place where a song by Jennifer Lopez was playing.  A very beautiful brunette with pretty brown eyes came up to me and suggestively whispered the words of the song “You can go hard or you can go home” in my ear. I immediately went home.  

Had I not been a member of this Church I shudder to think that I might have stayed and found myself in the throes of passion and lust with her later that night committing a sin next only to murder in gravity.  As I read the Ensign alone that night I knew without a shadow of doubt that the Lord loved and approved of me. 

I wish with all my heart that my old friends could see the joy that the gospel brings into the lives of the elect few who have chosen to abide by its precepts, and I leave these thoughts with you in the sacred and holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.”


Anonymous said...


This is NOT a website sanctioned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Nor is "President Paternoster" a stake president within the Church. Rather, this site is farce, and [usually] not good farce, at that.

Most of the posts here are written by quasi-apostates who mock those who are sincerely striving, albeit imperfectly, to follow Jesus.

Caveat utilitor.

Anonymous said...

Thank you president this testimony has reassured me that my lonely life and strict health code is still worth it. I think your "anti" stake president blogger should stop being so harsh up there and slow down and think for himself. Jesus was a wine bibber you know.

Anonymous said...

Dear Faithful and Valiant President Paternoster,

I am a convert from the Church and can testify that not attending the temple regularly and wearing the garments of the Holy Priesthood can lead to mischief, sin and the wasting of our precious time of masterprobation upon the earth.

Since not wearing the army tent style garments, women have been coming onto me and tempting me vigorously. And I must confess that I have fallen on several sordid occasions. I only wish that I had never turned from the truth and from our Heavenly Father and his conditional love to begin with. I fear it is too late for me now. Please prey for me.

Sunk In Sin

Clint said...

President Paternoster, are you going to do anything about the vile persecution that attends your posts, with the title of "NOTE TO THE READER OF THIS BLOG?" I find it telling that this person prefers to remain anonymous, whereas I am willing to display my full name and picture to the world? Why do they hide in the shadows, waiting to strike, always the first to respond?

I am reminded of the enemies that this true church has had in the past, people who claimed Joseph Smith was a drunkard, lazy, and a gold-digger. These cowards would spit their lies for all the world to see, and yet retire to the shadows of history to keep their own sins from being exposed. If only they had the spirit and knew something of love and joy. Does it truly give them joy to accuse the world's second-greatest man of all time of sleeping with teenage girls, or other men's wives? Their hatred and lies consume them.

I appreciate your blog for standing in the light, unashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I object to this filth and trash being published in your comments, dragging down the spirit with which you edify us, and trying to damage the love of the gospel.

** A NOTE TO THE READERS OF THIS BLOG ** Do not be influenced by these hateful warnings from a person who clearly has an axe to grind against our dear president.

Brett Cottrell said...

Brett's Book of Mormon Stories: 1 Nephi or an Episode of Scooby Doo?

You've only got a three hour block? When I was a kid, it was easily four hours that seemed like twelve...

LaNephi Morgood said...

When I served in Japan as a missionary, I had many opportunities to teach the Japanese people about the health dangers of drinking green tea. Oh, how that country needed the message of our truth, that truth emanating from the everlasting hills of Utah. I testified to them that if they chose to follow the word of wisdom, they would receive the blessing of health from our Father, even our Heavenly Father, He who lives in yonder heavens.

I showed them the picture of the prophet and the apostles; those inspired white men in business suits, and explained that because of these men, we still know, in spite of so-called science, that Joseph Smith was indeed inspired to write the Word of Wisdom and yes, green tea is bad for the body. If they would just pray about it, with a sincere heart, they too would know of this blessed truth!

Some Japanese people would protest, telling me that the Japanese green tea ceremony was over a thousand years old, originating from Zen Buddhism. I quickly interrupted them, slamming down my glass of “pop”, and reminded them of the first vision of the 14 year old boy Joseph Smith in which he was told by Jesus Christ Himself that all those religions were wrong, that their ministers were corrupt, that they drew near to Him with their lips but their hearts were far from Him. I taught in all humility that Zen Buddhism was included in those religions that Jesus Christ spoke of.

And some Japanese people, their hearts hardened, would continue to protest, arguing that the health benefits of tea have been known for hundreds of years and that the tea ceremony itself, called Way of Tea, (silly Japanese people) was a transformative practice, a spiritual experience, that taught one to quiet the mind and was considered a step towards what they called “enlightenment”.

I bore more fervent testimony, letting these wayward souls know that all wisdom came from God, not from within us. And that God tells us what to do through his aged, white apostles and prophets dressed in business suits. There was no other Way, tea or otherwise.

I felt at many times that these Japanese had fallen into the hands of Satan, as much as I loved them. No wonder, I thought, that island is surrounded by water.

Troy said...


It sounds like Brother Tozer found the true meaning of a restful Sabbath. Why would anyone want to go to the beach, when you can spend your full Sunday, resting in the church building with a wool suit, WHITE shirt, necktie, and leather-sole shoes? The beach may make you FEEL like you are relaxing, but that is just Satan telling you that you are miserable. Remember, only SOME, Church-approved good feelings are of God, the rest are just Satan. For example, feel good while drinking wine = Satan -or- feel good while writing names of your church responsibilities in a notebook, listening to an hour-long talk by a true prophet, or chasing those whom do not want to be chased = God. That is how to distinguish those good feelings. So, in the words of another poster "CAVEAT UTILITOR", Don't let good feelings from Satan rob you of the good feelings you get while being dangerously bored out of your mind.

Steven Lester said...

President, you are gifted writer.

The Testimony sounded just like a 27-year-old would talk, concerning the subjects which a 27-year-old would think about. Nice job.

Being gay, I also imagined what this dude would look like out on the beach sunning himself on the sand. He looked just fine. Reminds me of when I used to silently judge the physiques that could be seen through the coatless white shirts of the Sacrament blessers and passers. The wrestlers and the football players were the best of all.

So, I wasn't always bored during Sacrament Meeting. Thank you for reminding me of those cool memories.

James Mitchell said...

I believe green tea is very bad for our health. It contains "anti-oxidants."

We all know oxygen is good for us, right? So anything that is against oxygen has got to be horrible!

Also, it contains caffeine. As I sit here sipping my 44 ounce Coke, I'm very glad it's not 44 ounces of iced tea because 44 ounces of iced tea is way more caffeine.

Green tea has many more things in it that I'm sure must be bad for us.

I only believe in drinking herbal tea, and I'm pretty sure green tea is made in a factory, with artificial ingredients and stuff. I suspect it's probably mixed in the same large cauldrons where tire rubber is mixed, or something like that. I've suspected that for a while, so that's what I've taught my Gospel Doctrine class.

One day, Brother Chamberlain told me green tea is a pure herb (he's kind of an apostate). I corrected him and rebuked him in front of the class and told him it was made of artificial ingredients in a tire factory.

Thank you for this wonderful post.

Anonymous said...


After reading Clint's comments, I have become pricked in my heart and consumed with the sorrow of the damned. I don't know if any of you could possibly forgive me.

I beg for your reprieve and promise to immediately confess to my Bishop in hopes that my apology will be passed up through the ranks of the church and then back down again to President Paternoster himself so that he may hear my words and feel my sorrow.

I have a weak sense of self and therefore shield myself behind Latin phrases. I just want to be loved.

Dimitte mihi peccata mea

Anonymous said...

Dear Fake Anonymous:

Your contrived contriteness is ill-founded.

I, the "real" Anonymous, participate herein with two goals in mind:

First, to help the innocent novice understand that this blog is not representative of the church, nor of its representatives. (To an outsider, it would be hard to tell.)

Second, to remind the participants herein that perhaps, just perhaps, there is a Being who is cognizant of your mockery. Like Santa, except actually real, and with much better gifts, except for the naughty children.

Your friend,

Muccavwon said...

Yeah! Like Santa!

Himzelph said...

Being with a capital "B"

James Mitchell said...

Like Santa, but real?

Our Mormon God is exactly like Santa; the beard, the conditional love, the naughty list and giving all the fun stuff to the rich kids down the street.

Anonymous, you are so deep. Before I was a Mormon I believed the false doctrines of Christianity, mingled with some eastern thought. But whatever god I worshipped then was nothing like Santa.

I know Santa God lives, and that if I'm a good boy, I'll get nice presents.

Amy said...

Dear Anonymous.

Study up on your history so you don't look like such a tool. Poor guy! :(

Anonymous said...

Dearest Amy:

Just what "history" should I be studying?


Anonymous said...

What's the big deal with green tea consumption for an active LDS member? I think the WofW pinpoints black tea that is used as a hot drink. Green tea as a cold drink I think is more or less left up to individual discretion.

Anonymous said...

You make it sound like there are not enough hours in the week to hit the beach, golf, or do any other recreation without leaving the church. That's bogus. You also make it appear that a person's sexual inclinations cannot be met unless one engages in sexual promiscuity. You're mistaken.

Amy said...

You know..the funny thing is....when the cog dis was becoming too much for me, I was the one online defending the church to the death. I think it's often a last ditch effort to convince yourself the church is true.

Seriously, just open your mind, study church history, (even on the Fair and Farms sites) God would not punish you for asking questions, or trying to figure things out.

I hope things work out for you.

Verle Jensensen said...

After my dear mother's liver transplant, she was prescribed green tea by her doctor. He explained that "it works by lowering the chances of transplant failure. In liver cells it removes the free radicals." Yeah right... I knew immediately that this doctor was an agent of Satan -- and so did Mama. I thank the lord that mama never drank the tea and was able to keep her temple recommend until the day she unfortunately died of transplant rejection. Mama would never laugh loudly either. She always took herself very seriously. This same excuse for a doctor had advice that laughing out loud was good for her heart. Pure Satan.

Cindy said...

If there are people substituting green tea for pop then they are just silly. The WOW is about improving your health. There are so many theories out there as to what is and isn't healthy for you. You've got to use some common sense. Just because the WOW does not say avoid high sugar drinks that one day will be invented doesn't mean it's good to drink them.

Emma Smith said...

I am so thankful for the word of wisdom, and agree that green tea is not a hot drink but a cold drink, especially if you are a busy mom of three blessed children of God, or more, if you are more blessed! Gratefully, Heavenly Father constantly saves me from the wickedness of drinking hot drinks, because once I prepare them, I am so busy with family prayer, scripture study, canning, gardening, exercise, and teaching my children to memorize the names of modern day prophets, that the Lord blesses me with a cold drink in its stead. I often humbly pray for temptation to be removed from me and I think this is why it happens. It is a miracle! This also works for black tea and coffee which are sometimes the only way I can still move at all after my busy day! I am thankful that God blesses me with these cold drinks and removes the heat from them so that I can be worthy to go to the House of our Lord and Savior. I bear this humble testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Jerry said...


This is a fake LDS blog. There is no President Paternoste in the LDS church. In other word-this is a fake web site "POSING" to be an LDS web site...BEWARE !!!

J. Orson Kimball said...

Anonymous said:
"First, to help the innocent novice understand that this blog is not representative of the church, nor of its representatives. (To an outsider, it would be hard to tell.)"

Then what's the difference? If it's hard for an outsider to tell, then it must be fairly close to reality?

I bear witness to you, that I have a solemn testimony of Elder Paternoster's priesthood power, even that power which is bestowed upon him by the one and only true and complete church on earth, and that he lives and is a true and correct illustration of our savior Jesus Smiths' love. Those that speak out against him are stiff-nekkid, boastful people who seek to cause contention and strife upon this blog.

By the power vested in me by the holy melchezidek priesthood, I raise my right arm to the square, and say "Anonymous, get thee hence!"

I say these things in the name of our lord and savior, even Jesus Smith, amen.